How do I become more likable and have people want to spend time with me

2 comments

1. Hard to diagnose any specific problem with just one line of info. So based on that I’ll just tell you traits that people like to be around, I call them ECHO: Enthusiasm, Confidence, Humor & Optimism. Most people don’t have all four (and if they do, they tend to be well-liked!), but if you can work on developing two of them that’ll be a big step forward.

   Good luck!

2. The first thing you must do is when someone you want to spend time with comes by, don’t try and entertain/butt in to their lives. I know, sounds like the opposite of what you should do, but hear me out. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “people like to talk about themselves.” Well, that instinct is often higher in the human-psyche-priority list then general curiosity. So, when someone approaches you, and that someone is only thinking about how THEY are lonely/need others to enjoy being with THEIR company, those around them can instinctually sense that, and it’s a big turn-off because it represents the far OPPOSITE of “talking about me” and my problems.

   Instead, if you want to build relationships, start off by being the curious one or the listener. Don’t force yourself into others lives, but make yourself available to others, particularly when people need someone to talk to. Chances are there are a few around you right now. THE KEY: Start conversation by asking or talking about THEM (e.g., compliments like “nice shoes/hair/sth you like about them that isn’t a physical thing,” or asking questions about their clothes/stuff/similarities with you. For example: “I really don’t like chemistry, are you good at it? Maybe you can help me with this problem.” Or even the more risky mood question—“I noticed you were feeling down, wanna talk about it?”)

   Keep trying to be a listener/supporter first and you will build relationships quite rapidly. And soon, if they are healthy people they will ask about you in turn to balance things out and you’ll find you’ve got people asking about you and friendships will follow. Good luck!