i (19F) started to become close friends with one of my coworkers (19M). we would hang out outside of work, have friendly banter and flirt with each other. i really fell hard for this guy, it wasn’t just a small little crush, i genuinely saw myself falling in love with him one day. unfortunately i realized all that flirting meant nothing because he does that with everyone. besides harmless flirting with women he’s a very reserved typa guy, and he’s not extremely fond of physical touch with girls (hugging and such). but he would always hug me and say things like “you’re the only girl i like hugging” there were instances like this where i was like, man there’s definitely something there, and there’s no way he doesn’t feel SOMETHING for me. but i realized he didn’t, and it caused me so much pain man.
i really thought him and i connected, which we lowkey did but my feelings towards him ruined any friendship we had because i ended up telling him about my feelings (i simply couldn’t bottle them up easy more but i still regret telling him to this day.) this led him to want to distance ourselves and he wanted space and for us to go back to being “just coworkers” and “nothing” to each other, even though it should have been me wanting those things since i’m the one who caught feelings, not him. he said he wants these things so that maybe one day we can go back to being how we used to be.
he’s not that mature to be honest and i think he’s just confused and doesn’t know how to handle a girl actually having strong feelings for him. it just sucks for me because i had to fall for a guy like that :/. i am literally in pain every single waking hour because not only did i get my hopes up in terms of being more than friends, he basically said to me he doesn’t want to be friends at least for the time being. of course i was going to respect his boundaries even though it’s made me miserable because i just miss my friend man and i still have to see him at work and we still hang out sometimes (in groups).
its been a few weeks and i can tell he’s trying to be better (talking to me more at work and not being completely silent and stuff). it’s just so confusing because he says one thing (he wants us to be nothing to each other) but then he tries to talk to me and enter my life again and it’s so painful because i’m so attached and “in love” with this man. again we see each other at work and hang out sometimes in small groups outside of work and it’s so so hard to get over him, one sided love is so painful especially when it’s toward a a friend because it really ruins the relationship.
i don’t know if i should tell him to either stop talking to me completely or grow up and accept the fact that i caught feelings, but realize it doesn’t have to change anything. i still want him in my life and i can tell based on the fact he’s trying with me again he also wants to be friends. he’s just so damn confusing and it hurts me so much :/ at the end of the day i know he’s just immature and doesn’t know how to handle feelings but it really makes me question my self worth the way he treats me:(
TL;DR! i caught feelings for one of my friends and he didn’t feel the same way which obviously sucked but what hurt more was the fact that he thought it was best for us to distance ourselves and go back to being “nothing” at least for a little bit. he wants us to move on eventually and try and go back to being friends. nothing bitter happened between us so for him to go to these extremes is extremely painful. the worst part is we are coworkers so we see each other often and even hangout outside of work so it’s been really hard to get over him, i fell so damn hard :/
3 comments
I dont think hes that confusing.
If he wanted to be with you, he would. The feeling would be mutual.
But regardless of his maturity level, the result is that you are not together and things are messy.
This is one of the negatives of work relationships. You kind of have to accept the fact that if you take a chance, things may turn out badly. I dont have a problem with people falling for each other at work, I think thats just part of life.
But the mature thing to do for both parties is to understand the consequences and act accordingly. Dating/love is complicated, and an important part of that is knowing when to move on.
Sounds like he’s playing games. The fastest way to get over someone is to find someone else you’re interested in, so I’d suggest you start talking to other men.
I had a co worker who liked me a lot and told her I was not interested in dating co-workers. She decided not to talk for awhile. We were close too. We literally did have to take a break for awhile for talking until we come to terms with what we want and why we can’t have it specially dating at the same workplace.
He did not try to cut you out 100%. He cut you out temporarily to process things. He is 19 years old and learning the ropes of people liking him in a workplace. Let him figure it out himself. I highly doubt he will not be friends with you which you stated he is coming around again. Yeah he might be immature but he is learning to process it. He could have done better but he chose this way.