So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. I never could orgasm vaginally from any of my past relationships. I do cum from clitoral stimulation. But during sex, never. In the past few weeks he turned down my initiation of sex all the time. He just told me that itáliai because he cannot satisfy me. My problem is that I actually VERY MUCH enjoy sex with him, like I do a lot, like I can’t even explain. He enjoys it too, it is perfect. I never had a vaginal orgasm, I Don’t know what It is like, so I have no feelings of emptiness that I Don’t orgasm. I enjoy sex as much as if I did have 3 orgasms during it.
So, he also knows this yet will not have sex with me, because it is bothering him. I feel like as if he declines my initiation for sex just to get revenge on me not being able to cum. I moan and stuff, cause I always enjoy it. So I dont get it, why he feels so hard about this. To me it feels like revenge. I sometimes practice vaginal stimulation on myself, as he advised too. I dont have any emotional problems with sex and stuff, yet my body feels like it cannot orgasm vaginally. I tell him, he should not feel bad, I crave him, which believe me, is totally visible to him. After telling him that, he told me “Sorry, I’m used to making my past girlfriends cum”. Wow, that felt like a punch in the gut. I ask him what if I will never be able to cum with him. He said it is going to be my fault. I just cannot cum.
What should I do? Am I really being punished for not being able to do something?
32 comments
That kind of harsh. He really should not be putting you down but working towards ways to please you. So you can’t orgasm that way, maybe figure he work with you on other ways to get you to cum….
You got to talk to him about this and how you feel.
Try showing him some videos explaining the different ways women do and do not come. Try educating both of you in what can or cannot interfere with that kind of issue.
And, imho, if that doesn’t work he doesn’t deserve you.
I’ve been with my wife for 10 years. She’s had only one clitoral orgasm via piv sex. For me to bring her to a clitoral orgasm I have to use my fingers, tongue and/or vibrator. I don’t take it personally. I do whatever is necessary to bring her to orgasm. He has to adopt the same attitude. Everyone cums differently. It’s life.
He sounds like a fool. He could do with educating himself about orgasms, it’s actually not that common for women to orgasm vaginally.
Sounds like he is very insecure about himself…or I hate it to say it, there’s another reason going on in the background and he is using this as an excuse.
And you’ve said it yourself, you are happy, you feel good and you are enjoying sex. I wouldn’t let him make you feel bad about this for any longer, you don’t have anything to feel bad about. If you decide you want to pursue/practise/discover orgasming vaginally then great, but do it because you are interested in it, not to fulfil his silly, insecure dramas.
it sounds like he’s sulking and trying to make *you* feel bad because you can’t orgasm through penetration — in other words, he is a child.
he could easily be asking you to show him what he can do to mane you orgasm. he could be researching, and spending time on **YOUR** pleasure.
instead, he has decided that it is too much effort and work for him, and he will react by sulking and taking it out on you.
He either had the weirdest luck in the world, because he managed to find the very few women that actually do orgasm from penetration..
Or.. they lied to him, and you’re the only one that hasn’t lied.
I’m betting on the latter option.
He’s probably self conscious about it. He Definitely isn’t going about it in the best way, and if you’ve explained how you still enjoy it and still gives you pleasure then he should still want to do it. It’s like a massage. It’s still enjoyable even though there’s no climax.
I’ve been with a girl like that before and we had great sex, she never came from only vaginal either even with previous partners. It bothered me a little at first as I aim to please and feel more satisfied when I get her to finish, even more so than myself. Never had that happen before so I figured out a solution. Later I did understand that it’s still pleasurable so it wasn’t an issue as she explained and obviously still wanted it all the time. Don’t mean to go tmi but I figured out how to make it work anyway. I would go down on her which worked anyway from before but as for the actual penetration I’d rub her clit during sex. Then she would play with her self while I was fucking her which between the two she then would cum multiple times when we fucked.
Point being you could suggest him rubbing you and you also rub yourself while having sex as that should do the trick.
If it doesn’t work then idk, that’s messed up if he stops just because of that. Especially considering you said you still enjoy the experience and haven’t been able to do so. It’s not really that uncommon either so it’s nothing to feel ashamed of or anything.
Search for Kenneth Play on Pornhub and watch some instructional videos with him.
Try new positions to stimulate several pleasure centers at once (clitoris, g-spot, fornix).
He has a bruised ego and acting as an immature brat. What does he want for you to fake it so he feels like a man? Or a partner that can openly communicate. Get rid of him. Imagine what’s to come as life progresses. Sound like an emotion abuser
>I do cum from clitoral stimulation.
Then you orgasm how most women orgasm.
>But during sex, never.
As in, even if you stimulate your clitoris, you cannot orgasm during sex with him?
Or you cannot orgasm with only PIV (no direct stimulation of your clit)?
Either way you slice it, your boyfriend is acting like a snot. His ego is hurt and he’s punishing you because of it.
Frankly, I’d dump him.
Would you consider masterbation while he’s inside you? It’s possible to stimulate your clitoris even in the missionary posisition if he has a little upper body strength and is able to hold away from you enough to slip your hand down. It can be a little awkward if your not comfortable explaining what your trying to do. Other positions lend to it easier and the option of a vibrator easier still. I realize it’s not exactly what your trying to accomplish but orgasm with him in you regardless of how your stimulated might open him up to possibilities. It might just be a bit of lacking self confidence on his part and helping you achieve regardless if it’s just buying the batteries might help him.
[deleted]
Show him this post
[The FAQ page has advice on orgasm troubles.](/r/sex/wiki/index#wiki_orgasm_troubles)
> I do cum from clitoral stimulation.
So you CAN orgasm, just not from PIV sex alone which is actually quite common. Estimates range from only [20%](https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530) to [50%](https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2005.00170.x) of women can orgasm from PIV sex alone.
The vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, just like how the vast majority of men need penile stimulation to orgasm. In fact, so called “vaginal orgasms” are actually clitoral orgasms, [women who can orgasm from penetration alone have a clitoris that sits closer to the vaginal opening](https://doi.org/10.1016/j.yhbeh.2010.12.004), which can allow the penis/fingers/toy to indirectly stimulate the clit through the walls of the vagina. Also some have theorize that the G-spot is actually just the back of the clitoris.
> he told me “Sorry, I’m used to making my past girlfriends cum”.
Considering that only 20% to 50% of women can orgasm from PIV sex alone and [50% of women had at least once pretended to orgasm during sex](https://www.sexandpsychology.com/blog/2013/6/19/faking-orgasms-who-does-it-and-why-infographic/). There’s a very good chance that at least half of his past girlfriends were actually faking it.
Has he ever tried to making you cum via fingering you and/or eating you out? Your post only talks about PIV sex.
I think he should be more willing to help you get there. Also even if you can’t orgasm in that way I don’t see that as being any reason for not doing it when your more than willing to do it.
I’d be closing my legs for business however. Try this.
Lay missionary style on your back and have your man curl two fingers inside your vagina. He should feel a different texture with those two middle fingers.
I alternate between a come hither motion with those fingers and a rocking back and forth with the whole hand tightly held on the vagina. Every partner I’ve done this with squirts like a fountain.
Is he not stimulating your clit while you fuck?
Sounds to me he thinks his dick is magic and you shattered this illusion by being a flesh and blood human.
10% of cis women never orgasm from birth until death.
Honestly I’m sure he’s just insecure but do you want to waste your time on a guy who, after learning you can’t cum vaginally, instead of looking for other ways to make you cum instead just decides to throw the whole sex life out?
Do you want to live in celibacy just bc his ego hurts bc your body doesn’t operate how he expects?
If it were me, I’d sit him down for a frank discussion and if it didn’t go well I’d break up.
So he feels bad bacause he thinks he can’t satisfy you and because of that he doesn’t wanna have sex with you? Even tho you want it??? I don’t understand the logic…
OK, WTF did I just read?
Sex is not the same for everyone. Most woman can’t come from vaginal intercourse, no big deal. His past girlfriends were either super lucky or super liers.
Girlfriend if you feel that he’s rejecting you as REVENGE then you should RUN! This emotional abuse! You don’t understand this now, but it is hurting your self-confidence for any future sexual relationship you will ever have. And why? Because Mr. “I have a magic stick” wants to make the entire female population orgasm with his dong. Meanwhile some girls prefer to receive head instead of the stick.
Also it is time for men to understand it is not always the “cum”. It is sometimes the trip that matters, not the “destination”. The procedure can be way more fun than the few seconds of climax.
Just sometimes people are not sexual (and emotionally) compatible and they need to admit that.
Many – perhaps most – women orgasm only through very direct clitoral stimulation. Stop trying to achieve orgasm through vaginal coitus alone, and educate your boyfriend about what is real and true for you. Teach him exactly how you like to be touched and try to transfer his misplaced pride in providing orgasm with his penis to the far more useful and appreciated techniques of manual or oral clitoral attention. Encourage him in his efforts, be tolerant of his early mistakes and praise him when he gets it right..
It really is your job to share your exact needs with him (as well as listening and acting on his) rather than trying to fit into the mythology of “vaginal climaxing is best”. It is not, but you can also find ways to have him excite you more during intercourse by direct additional manual contact with your clitoris, or you could touch yourself or use sex toys.
Male desires for orgasm-to-order are often based on simple inexperience, poor technique, or embarrassment about not knowing what to do. [Teach him](https://tichaz.com/2022/01/10/female-101/), and he will be very grateful.
This is sad bc he didn’t receive proper sex education, odds are he didn’t make past partners come as much as he thought, someone told him sex is only about orgasm and now he wants to put all that on you rather than research now as an adult(assuming he is).
Sex isn’t only about an orgasm especially for Women. It is about making each other feel pleasure and desire to share a moment with each other. Sounds like he is the one to put a damper on that. If you two kept focusing on pleasure it is quite possible eventually you would figure out how to come during sex. Him having an attitude about it though is going to put out the fire completely though.
I was with my partner for 15 yrs before I learned how to come via PIV and we had a great sex life, he made sure I enjoyed myself (aka not one sided, and we had fun trying all kinds of things. Some of the things we tried work now but didn’t back then. The key take away is sex is not about an orgasm it is about pleasure. We both found pleasure in being with each other sexually and experimenting so we both wanted more. The pouting your BF is doing would be a huge turn off and I wouldn’t want sex with him anymore which likely will slowly happen for you if he doesn’t snap out if it.
On a technical note he could try scooting. PIV a where he puts it in and then scoots up against you in quicker shorter strokes
Why not just stimulate your clit while penetrating? While you lie on your back or while you ride him. It’ll be different to a pure clit orgasm due to the extra stimulation, he gets to see and feel you come, everyone’s happy.
This sounds like a very insecure man. He’s blaming you for something that’s not even your fault. If anything he should be listening to you, asking you what you like and what would get you off instead of assuming piv should be getting you off. Most women can’t cum from that and most women also lie and say they’ve cum to spare a man’s feelings. Sounds like this is the case for him. I’d sit down and tell him this and tell him that if he’s not willing to move past this and learn what you like to get you off then you need to see other people.
Hm. To a certain point I could understand what his thought process might be but his statement that it is your fault it ridiculous really. I mean the way you write about how sex is wonderful for you with him…a lot of guys would give a lot to have a (sex)partner like you.
I don’t know if it is hurt pride on his part or whatever but it does not matter anyway. Do not let him tell you how it should be. The reality for you is that you can not come vaginally. Doesn’t f***ing matter how many ex gf he could finish off in this way. I don’t like those comparisons one bit. Everyone is different and it is one of life’s great pleasures to explore as a couple what works for both when being intimate together. At least that is what I think about it.
Can only tell you from my experience that I had partners that could have vaginal orgasms except my last partner. So we talked and I asked what she liked and she said fingering is one of her highlights when combined with clitoral stimulation. So we incorporated that into our sex life. What I want to say is…he should be able to listen and talk to you like a grown up partner and pleasure you the way you like it…with pleasure – and not complaining making it your problem that you can’t come vaginally.
As per your question on what you should do…talk to your partner. It is not ok to make you feel bad or guilty. Have no idea if he is generally a good person or if he is trying to give you orgasms in another way or if he is selfish and thinks it should come automatically when having intercourse/penetrative sex. If so he needs to be educated really. Only you can decide if he might be open to that.
If yes, great, there is hope. If not it just comes down to how much punishment and bad feelings you can take until you say stop.
I wrote a lot, sorry, This just rubs me the wrong way. He has you as a partner that craves him and is into sex with him even without coming apparently and he does not treat you well in this area…hope you find a solution!
Only 25% of women can cum from penetration alone
Yeah a lot of those past girlfriends were probably faking it. Something like 80% of women don’t have vaginal orgasms and need clitoral stimulation. I have to guess that you both are on the younger side because I only encountered guys with this mentality in their 20s. He already told you he knows women’s bodies better and he doesn’t listen to you. That kind of arrogance won’t go away overnight or after one conversation. Just break up.
Does he know only 20% of women can orgasm from penetration alone? He’s acting absolutely ridiculous and it’s no wonder you’re hurt. Sex isn’t about orgasming, it’s about connection. Always. He’s acting like a baby withholding sex because he’s insecure. He needs to put his masculinity aside and make love to his partner. Maybe you could try a clit vibe or rubbing yourself during. If he’s opposed to that, he doesn’t actually care about your pleasure. He just wants to inflate his ego with the idea that he can make a woman cum by penetration only (which again is the minority of all women).
Thank you a lot for Your comments and support, such a heavy stone rolled off of my chest. Now I don’t feel like a fool for having conflicting opinions regarding the problem. Hope you guys see my comment, thank you a lot! ❤❤😇
He shouldn’t care how you cum, just that you do.
Imma be honest, either he’s lying or his past gfs were lying lol, it’s not very common for women to cum without clitoral stimulation. Bringing his sexual experience with them up in the way he did just seems like he’s trying to make you feel bad about yourself. His behavior is childish and manipulative, it makes me worry about other parts of the relationship… why is he not listening to the things you are telling him about your own body??
Majority of women can’t orgasm from penetration since it’s a birth canal! It’s not meant to have many nerve endings since it’s actually made to push out a child. The point is to actually get to the g-spot for example. As others have said – communicate 🙂
Have him try stimulating you orally and with his fingers teasing your g-spot. Also, stimulating your body in general to get you real fired up 🙂
Hope you guys figure each other out 🙂
He’s making sex into a competition with himself instead of something you do together to bond and have fun. And that’s honestly gross. He needs to get his head out of his ass and realize that the VAST majority of women don’t cum from penetration alone. He’s making this into a pity party for himself and in turn is coming off as if he’s punishing you for not cumming.
Honestly this isn’t someone I’d waste time in a relationship with, he’s incredibly immature and selfish