Is it true that you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you don’t love yourself first?

12 comments

1. I think loving yourself isn’t necessarily about the physical aspects, it’s all the rest of it.

2. I’m into fitness, and (if I remember correctly) it doesn’t matter much whether you focus on cardio or strength at 240 because both will be good for weight loss. It wouldn’t hurt to do a mix – maybe do a weight training regimen (2-3 days per week) with some 45 minute walks on off days.

   Thinking about whether you love yourself won’t help your dating game because it’ll just cause you to overthink and second-guess everything and shoot yourself in the foot.

   If anything, love yourself for putting in the effort to SUCCESSFULLY lose 60 pounds, and love yourself harder for keeping it up! Do you know how hard it is for most people to do that? I’m fit, but I think I have good genetics to fall back on, and seriously doubt Id have the mental fortitude to do what you’ve done. Keep it up my man, and ignore that silly voice in your head!

3. Yes, but that’s typically for people at lower weights, and even then you have to put in a lot of effort for that weight gain (if done in a healthy manner like eating more rice, as opposed to eating a ton of junk).

   It really depends on your goals. If you want hardcore weight loss, go for high intensity interval training and other cardio. Ultimately, though, strictly cardio or including strength training will both help you achieve weight loss, especially if you supplement weight training with some low intensity calorie-burn activities like walking.

4. Not at all. I always take that message as really about ensuring you value yourself as a person so all your self worth isn’t tied up in your relationship. It’s not about physical characteristics. And all that being said, I’m not even sure it’s always valuable. Sometimes finding someone who loves and values you (when you aren’t quite happy with yourself) can help you build that self worth.

5. My fiancé and I both have depression and anxiety, followed by self harm and suicide attempts. Now we made each other so much better, made each other want to live, and happily engaged. Sometimes the right person can help you love yourself.

6. I used to think so. Believing that I must be 100% at peace with myself, so I’m not pulling someone into my mess, but I have since learned that’ll be basically impossible. Nobody’s perfect, and having someone in your corner is much better than being stuck by yourself. Especially with someone as supportive as the person you seem to have, it’s a good place to be.

7. We all have something we’re working on.

   That saying comes from a place of not relying on someone else to make you feel like a whole person.

   Do you feel you need her to make positive comments about your appearance in order to do certain things? Are you only trying to improve your health for her sake?

   If you’re doing these things for yourself, that is a sign of loving yourself.

8. When people say that they mean that you need to be able to advocate for yourself, assert your needs, and leave if you’re being mistreated, and that’s very difficult for someone who doesn’t love themselves.

9. You know, i just read a great quote from Lizzo about how if you can love others, you can apply that same love to yourself (paraphrase). love grows and bleeds into other areas of your life– think about a movie you loved and how that love transfered to an actor in the movie by association, or vice versa.

   Insecurities are a separate issue from love, and a separate issue from trust. for me, i love who I am with my partner. I love seeing photos of us laughing our heads off. I love him and I love that he loves me, even after all this time. Even though I am often insecure, i still trust him to keep loving me even when we’re apart. The love is there and it matters. It fills you up. It frees you to be yourself, and to love that person too.

10. Everyone is insecure about something, but if you are insecure/depressed/unhappy to the point where you can’t manage it on your own, then it becomes a problem for your partner as well. I think this is what “love yourself before you get into a relationship” means.

    Are you seeing a dietitian, OP? And specifically a dietitian, not a nutritionist. If you don’t, make that a priority. If you’ve gone so far on your own — that’s fantastic! Now get yourself another hand to help you out. If you want to work out, a good personal trainer will also be able to tell you what you need to do in order to focus on what you want i.e. losing fat vs. building muscle.

    And I don’t think you should rush into diagnosing yourself with body dysmorphia. You’re fat, but you aren’t under the impression that you’re significantly fatter or slimmer than you actually are. You’re just unhappy that you’re fatter than you’d like to be.
    Plus, it takes your brain quite a bit of time to “update” the way it “sees” your body, to the tune of sometimes being several weeks behind what your aspect is in the present. So when you think of what your body looks like, your mental image of it may be of you from a slightly higher weight.

11. Whether it is true or not is really up to you, but in order to really find the right time to have a relationship, I know this to be true. I have always been in relationships without doing this. It wasn’t until I learned to love myself that I really turned things around and learned to truly love someone else and have a happy relationship.

12. If you are interested in hookup Dem so that we can relate