I’m 35 and I recently started seeing a 40 year old. We met online and have been dating for almost a week. We ended up sleeping together on the first date and we’ve seen each other almost every day since we met. We stay at each others place and have sex before bed and have morning sex every day.
One night she had dinner with a friend and asked me to come over when she got done with dinner. I didn’t know until I got there that she was hammered drunk. I helped her get undressed for bed and she asked if I loved her. This was the third day of us knowing each other. I didn’t think anything about it at the time because she was drunk. The next evening she was having a few drinks with a friend and invited me to the friends house. My girlfriend wasn’t drunk but the friend was sloppy drunk. The friend pulled me aside and started asking me about how I felt about my girlfriend and if this was the real deal or not. I told her we’ve only known each other for a few days but I like spending time with her. Then the friend talks privately to my girlfriend telling her that I’m not that into her because I can’t answer her question.
We leave and joke about how ridiculous the friend was on our way home. That night as we were having sex my girlfriend said something that sounded like, “I love you.” I replied, “What did you say?” She waited a moment then said, “You feel really good.”
I felt like this was way too soon for all of the “I love you” chat, so I ended the relationship. I’ve been debating about trying to get back together with her but I’m not sure what to do. I do like her and enjoy spending time with her but I hated her friend.
Neither one of us have ever been married and don’t have kids.
TLDR: girlfriend said I love you after dating less than a week
13 comments
You do you, but sex can accelerate/intensify feelings for a lot of people. I’d recommend not hitting the sack quite so quickly it you don’t want to risk this kind of thing going forward.
A lot of ‘too soons’ here.
IMO, and heavy on the opinion…. In the future wait 2-3 hangouts to have sex if you want it to be more than a hookup, and bare minimum 3-4 weeks for the L word. Don’t think the relationship with that women is worth trying again if it’s going so fast, will burn out just as fast.
Declarations during fucking defo don’t count imo. Especially so early, also you may have misheard and if she didn’t confirm what she said she probably didn’t mean that.
She could have easily said it may accident too.
Run. This is not the behavior of a stable person. My husband and I moved pretty fast and even we waited a month before blurting out that we loved each other.
My fiancé def I love you bye-d me on the phone like two weeks, and he said later he didn’t even realize. I’ve almost done it to business partners before. She’s at a sensitive age where you need to move fast so that may be influencing her self conscious – fiancé and I moved fast because we are older and want kids
She is also getting up there in age and it is probably getting much more difficult for her to date. 40s can be rough for women.
Drunk/possibly maybe saying it during sex doesn’t sound too egregious. It does sound like you went hot and heavy really fast, its easy to get caught up in the moment.
You were having sex. Saying I love you during the deed doesn’t count!
If you have an issue with this, talk to her about it. Tell her something like how you’ve really enjoyed your time together so far & really like her (if it’s true). You don’t need to say anything about love, but it’s a way of telling her how you feel without having a more serious “I don’t love you yet” talk.
You may have jumped the gun with this one. The first time she said it, she was drunk. Doesn’t count.
Second time was during sex. Also doesn’t count.
Yeah, I’d nope out of that, too. Way to much way to fast = giant red flags.
Maybe you really do feel that good 🤷
I’d freak out as well. No matter how amazing it feels, you don’t know someone after a week, that’s just insane. I get that she’s 40 and wants to settle down asap, but she doesn’t sound stable. Also, her friend’s behaviour was pretty strange and the fact that you’ve been seeing each other every day was probably a mistake. I think you did the right thing.
I’m with you on the breaking up.
The first time she was drunk; no big deal.
For me it got weird when her friend stepped in questioning you and then later putting a bug in your GF’s ear about you being bad news because you “didn’t answer the question.”
From what you have written it looks like she was talking with her friend about your relationship instead of talking to you.
It sounds like she put her friend up to ask the question.
As for her friend’s two cents, it sounds like either her friend really said that or GF is using her by proxy.
So, I am with you on the ‘Get out of Dodge’ while the getting is easy.
What I’ve learned from your OP is that your girlfriend, though 40-years old sucks at communication and uses others to manipulate a situation. How high schoolish can one be?
The rapidity is also alarming. I suppose it’s one thing to think it but there should be the maturity to let things roll out to find out if this is more than an infatuation feeling.
Shaking my head in general with her actions.
I think you did a good job looking out for yourself.
I think you found yourself in a ‘blink’ situation. A blink situation is where one’s subconscious picks up on previous experience to recognize a situation quickly.
So onwards to a hopefully more fulfilling dating experience.
Hugs. ♥