Hi guys,
two weeks ago I (w22) was at a party and got closer to a guy (21) I already met a few months ago in the same club. The first time we didn’t get into conversation, I talked with his whole group. But he had caught my eye, I made him smile and I fell in love with his smile on the spot.
Anyway, a few weeks ago I saw him again at the same club and I went straight up to him because I was happy to see him and his friends again. We go to the same university but never get to see each other. We danced and also kissed at some point. Then at the end of the long night we exchanged numbers. Since then we text a lot and we have also met twice. The first time was a picnic and then we went to his house and watched a movie. We also became very intimate, but we didn’t have sex. I didn’t let it get that far. We both study the same subject, so the second meeting was at a library.
Tomorrow we want to meet again, but there is a problem: One may not notice, because I always try to come across confident and strong, but I not confident, even if I try to tell myself the opposite.
Yesterday I was shopping with a friend. When I saw my reflection in the fitting room, I almost cried. I hated and was ashamed of the person I saw there. It didn’t help that a nice girl came up to me and complimented me on my appearance. I get many compliments on my appearance. Sometimes I just get stopped on the street and get compliments on my looks. Mostly from girls. Every now and then older people want to take pictures with me or of me. My acquaintances compliment me and say I look like a model, but all that doesn’t change the fact that I think I’m ugly.
Even since yesterday I feel fat, uncomfortable in my skin and just ugly. I don’t dare to go out anymore. Today I was supposed to meet friends, but I canceled all of them and have been lying in bed since this morning, wasting valuable time that I could have spent studying. I hate myself so much right now and I’m just afraid that all of this can have a negative impact on my relationship with the guy.
I don’t know what to do. I consider him way too good for me and honestly can’t understand why he even is interested in me. He could have any girl.
I know that selfconscious is considered unattractive, I shouldn’t think that way. I really like him, we get along well and I actually feel comfortable around him. I fear that I will mess everything up.
I would like to cancel tomorrow’s meeting, but I’m afraid that he might think that I don’t like him, since we were supposed to see each other last night, but I canceled. At the same time, I want to be honest with him. I want him to know why I’m distant sometimes, why I never approach him when I see him on campus, why I never initiate physical approaches and why I avoid public meetings.
Do you think I should confess my lack of confidence to him, or is that too soon?
How do I prevent my lack of confidence from destroying my developing relationship with him?
3 comments
Coming from someone who has body dysmorphia, I think you need to go for a literal walk outside. Observe natures beauty and learn that you are worthy of great things, and worthy of your place on this planet. It might sound silly, but you sound like you’ve gone down an emotional rabbit hole and to be frank, you need to snap out of it. Getting outside and changing your scenery releases endorphins and can and will clear your mind space.
Don’t cancel your date, that will only perpetuate your negative thoughts. Find someone you can talk with about this and hopefully you can get reeled back in.
I think you’re already doing well on the “fake it till you make it” venue. I think it’s the right way to go. I am also in the same boat when it comes to this and hopefully one day I make it to where I want to be.
Secondly, I would really advise in seeking professional help. If you’re as pretty as to the point people are complimenting you and still feel that way about yourself, it’s most likely something that no one on reddit will fix for you.
Objectively thinking about the guy and how you should proceed. I don’t feel qualified (as in knowing him enough) to suggest something. But I’d say trust your gut? If you feel safe with him to try to maintain the relationship and make the venture of not canceling on him? Else, if you feel it might backfire on your self esteem just cancel and try to explain yourself.
Lastly, as I said earlier, what you’re going through is tough and might be a bit too much for someone who just go to know you. Try to explain it nevertheless but let’s say in an alliviated maner?
I wish you the best of luck.
Sounds like you’re depressed or have anxiety but honestly you managed to go up to him at the bar which seems confident to me so.