Okay so I’m new here, but wanted some advice if anyone has any. I’m a submissive (29F) and my fiancée (30F) is not really anything. I’ve asked her before about being my Domme, but she said she didn’t want to do the work to become a “proper Domme” (I’ve asked this in another subreddit but the question was misunderstood. So I’m rephrasing/asking it better.) she’s never said no to being more dominant in bed just said she didn’t want to have the title of Domme, or a full on D/s dynamic/relationship. My issue is, I want a little more dominance in our sex life, I want to be spanked or maybe handcuffed and blindfolded while being told what to do but I’m unsure how to ask and find out what she’s willing to do as far as being more dominant in bed. Should I write down things I’d like/be willing to try and see if she’d be willing/like to try them with me in a safe nonjudgmental space with the proper precautions (safe words and such) or just tell her flat out I would like a bit more dominance Or should I just drop it all together?
3 comments
Writing out a list sounds like a wonderful idea. It will give you a clean slate to think about the things you want clearly and without any interruptions and will allow you to present them to your partner for her to ingest and to think about how to respond.
In my opinion, closing ourselves off to our true desires of exploration can and will lead to us wanting to find those fulfillments in other places.
If your current partner isn’t open to these things and you do not want to end this relationship, you can talk about possibly being able to find people who are willing and wanting to help you find what you are looking for and what your boundaries are surrounding those.
Writing seems like a good approach. Just be kind and accept any denials.
It might be worth having you and your partner fill out one of the online “kink tests” that allow you to compare results. This might provide you with some insights into places where you and your partner have common interests that could be explored. For instance, https://carnalcalibration.com/en