Hello everyone. Would appreciate any insight on this matter. I (28M) have known a woman (31F), who is a single mother, online. We met in person and had sex a couple of times. We established that both of us LOVED the sex, but she didn’t want a relationship for two reasons. She’s recently divorced from her abusive husband to whom she was married for 8 years. Secondly, she is a corporate lawyer and works a lot (I work in finance, my hours are garbage as well). She asked if it’s possible to just remain friends but have sex regularly, which seemed reasonable enough. I get that she’s trying to focus on her daughter (7F) & job, and as I said I work extreme hours as well. Again, sex with her is immaculate. Whenever we have sex it’s either in a hotel or my apartment, and the daughter spends time with a babysitter or do an activity (training for music, karate, skiing etc). It’s been going on for a month. As I told a friend of mine, he told me that I’m preying on her & taking advantage of her vulnerabilities. He was pretty aggressive with the wording, it made me feel confused. Is he right? Any perspective appreciated.
25 comments
Your friend is thinking of a single mother as a feeble-minded and desperate wretch. I bet this corporate attorney could chew your friend up and spit him back out without blinking.
I agree with the other commenter, why not just bring it up with the woman and ask if she feels respected in the dynamic. Then you can tell your friend, I’m sorry but she says I respect the hell out of her hot p**** and I’m sorry you’re not having this sexy experience right now.
Whenever someone expresses moral outrage like that, there’s something else just underneath it.
Also I just want to edit to add, if she was super vulnerable she’d probably be clinging to you for a relationship.
Preying on her? She said exactly what she wants and doesn’t want, you agreed without any issue. I don’t see where the problem could be tbh.
She doesn’t want a relationship. She does want to continue having sex with you. I’m confused about why your friend thinks he knows her preferences better than she does.
>She asked if it’s possible to just remain friends but have sex regularly, which seemed reasonable enough.
If this is an agreed upon arrangement, no you are not.
Its sounds like she established boundaries, established what she wants in a relationship right now and you respected those wishes.
Now… I may be crazy but that sounds like the exact opposite of “prey upon”.
I’d think you’d be “preying” if she was a single mother out of an abusive relationship and you used that against her. She needed money. You gave her the same kind of abuse. Etc.
It sounds like you’re respecting her and her situation.
Definitely not “preying”. Assuming you’re honest in your description, of course.
She seems to have her head together and is mutually giving and receiving what she wants from your relationship.
No as you have described it you are not preying. Your friend is being the rotten apple sewing some discord, ignore him.
No you are not. You are respecting her expectation and the contact is mutual. You are giving her just what she needs. Single moms don’t have time to play games and she is telling exactly what works for her.
uh no. It sounds like you are in a mutually beneficial situation. Enjoy it while it lasts though, cuz one of you will probably develop feelings if the sex is that good
You are not preying on her. She set the guidelines of the relationship and you are honoring her wishes.
Any chance your friend was raised by a single mother? Could be projecting based on his own bad experiences from childhood.
Your both adults with an agreed up mutually beneficial dynamic, his opinion is irrelevant and SHE asked for the set up. Your absolutely fine.
Lol sounds like your “friend” is jealous
It’s not preying
You’re are doing exactly as she asked
How are you taking advantage if she is the one establishing all of the rules of the relationship? You are respecting the boundaries that she gave to you.
He’s a hater, not the first nor the last
She established her boundaries, she has sexual needs still even if she isn’t looking for a relationship. You’re doing nothing wrong
Why are you taking some random dudes opinion over the actual words of your sex partner?
She’s a grown woman. Talk to her if you’re worried. If you can’t talk to her you shouldn’t be putting your penis in her.
Your doing what she wants. Your friend is probably jealous for whatever reason. I would ignore those comments.
No- he is wrong. You are being up front with her and she is agreeing to this arrangement. As a woman, I can see many advantages to keeping the relationship this simple. She has a lot on her plate as it is without trying to integrate you into her family yet. It’s a big potential trauma that she is protecting her daughter from while she is still getting to know you. Your friend has antiquated ideas. Just try to stay honest with her and give her fully informed choices and you are fine.
Your friend is a douche, trying to white knight a woman he doesn’t know so he can pay himself on the back.
Unless you explained the situation like a total ape, there’s nothing wrong here.
You both communicated, boundaries were defined and respected, nobody is hurt or upset.
All is well in the world.
Does your friend believe all women are feeble minded or something? No, you’re not “preying” on her, wtf.
You’re fine. She’s a grown ass woman who can decide who and when she wants to fuck. Your friend is talking out of his butt.
Female here. She laid out her boundaries and you agreed. You follow them and do not boundary stomp. You are in an adult relationship and not taking advantage of her.
You are good to go. Your friend sounds like a jealous twat.
Your friend is being sexist. This is a grown woman who has stated clearly that *she* wants a FWB situation. If she were only sleeping with you hoping because she was hoping for a relationship you knew was never going to happen, yeah, that would be taking advantage but that’s not what’s going on here. You’re two,consenting adults who have mutually defined the nature of your relationship.
No issue with what you are doing with the woman, but I have an issue with you telling your ‘friend’ about her. Why would you do this? It’s a private time between 2 people.
Use your discretion and keep it private.
Sounds like your friend has an issue with seeing women as people who can be parents and have a healthy sex life?
It sounds like she knows exactly what she wants and needs, communicated it to you and apparently this is an issue to your friend. Maybe he thinks women can’t make adult decisions about their sex lives? I don’t know, but he sounds condescending af. I have had people try to place me in the she’s a wilting flower category, and tell me I’m being taken advantage of when I’m the one who decided what I wanted. So it’s annoying and sounds like he’s one of those people.