Please help!!
Hi everyone! I am very new to sex and I (f22) need help. So first of all, I don’t really ever feel very turned on. When my boyfriend penetrates me it is pretty uncomfortable because he is hitting my cervix I think. Additionally, I cannot find my own clit. I’ve tried everything but I think it’s just too small or buried so I can’t expect that to help. He is so willing to do anything to please me but I don’t even know what I like. The only thing that makes me feel good is a vibrator. On that note, do you think a vibrator made me lose sensitivity to regular touch? I’m worried that I’m going to start feeling resentful if sex isn’t enjoyable for me. I like feeling close to him, but it’s just uncomfortable for me. Any specific tips for finding my clit and/or specific ways to instruct him to touch me? Also please let me know if cutting a vibrator out of your life improved your sex life. Thank you so much!!!😭😭
5 comments
Adding a vibrator helped, not deleting it
First I would say to explore your own body first. Nothing wrong with using a vibrator or any sex toy but maybe try using your hands and please yourself that way. Once you do that a few times you can have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend and you can talk about it and what you liked (I.e were you placed your hand, how hard or soft of a touch etc). Secondly if it hurts when he enters or during sex it’s mostly because there is to much friction (I.e your not wet enought etc) I recommend doing some foreplay before jumping into and/or using lube! It’ll make It more enjoyable for you and him! And find what turns you on. You guys should always have a line of communication during sex and before/after! Also try incorporating your vibrator while having sex with your boyfriend!
>The only thing that makes me feel good is a vibrator. On that note, do you think a vibrator made me lose sensitivity to regular touch?
Nope, not at all! I only use a vibrator alone and when I have sex I can orgasm from someone’s touch just fine. I think where people get into trouble is not the fact that they’re using a vibrator, but _how_ you use it.
Keep the vibrator, it will only help! Use it regularly even if you feel nothing, it takes time for your brain and clitoris to start talking to eachother.
So you’re new to sex and sex takes time and practice to get good at. Your clit is the place with the most nerve endings. You can look this up on a diagram of a vagina. You should explore that whole thing by yourself to figure out what you like. Def make your bf give your oral if it feels good to you. Be patient and have fun.
Ok… SO much to process here.
What seems very apparent is you need to know your own body, and what it likes. If you haven’t already, get a mirror and examine your vagina closely. Your clitoris has got to be hiding down there somewhere; use a couple fingers (clean them first!) to go looking for it.
Speaking of that… I hope you masturbate regularly, and if you don’t, start now. It’s a great way of getting familiar with what you like and don’t like, and it’s completely under your control.
Vibrators: the next step up from manual masturbation. Much more intense, and you can have orgasms which knock you into the next room!
As to your concerns and issues, I think the important thing here is for you to be comfortable with having orgasms by yourself before bringing your boyfriend into the mix.
Once you are OK with that, then you can bring him back into the game. The difference here is that there is now another human being involved, and that your feelings for him will de-emphasize a specific level of physical feeling… in fact, it might even make the experience MORE fulfilling!
You probably won’t have the same experiences with a vibrator that you do with your boyfriend. They are different fruit, like apples and oranges. It is possible to enjoy both at different times. It just depends what you have a taste for at that particular moment.