My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We’ve live together for over half of that, and we have a dog together.
I still love him, but i’m not in love with him. He gives me a headache when he walks in the room. He’s extremely emotionally abusive, he completely disregards my problems, and my feelings and always makes everything out to be my fault. He always manipulates me, whenever he does something wrong he twists it to be my fault and my problem to fix. However, he started out so sweet. He used to actually love me, and show it. I have no idea what changed.
Some examples of what he does; if he loses in a video game he’ll punch himself so hard he bruises and then i’ll just not even wanna speak at him so then he says “this is why im always mad. you never talk to me.” then i tell him how i feel and he says “im sorry i wont do it again” and does it again. But then he buys me a phone, and helped with my car when i lost my job, and cares a lot about our dog but when he hurts himself it scares us a lot.
I just cant do it anymore. Im not happy. Its not helping my mental health. However, Ive tried to leave before and he threatens suicide. Ive never had to break up a relationship before and this is so scary to me that he threatens that. Also, the idea of finding an affordable place for myself, my dog, etc. sounds nearly impossible where I live. I don’t know what to do. I love him but I have no other feelings but regret towards him. I regret moving in and being stuck here and allowing him to gain so much leverage over me. I also have no family I could move in with, and he legally owns our house.
I could use some advice.
TLDR; my bf is mentally abusive and threatens suicide everytime i try to break up with him. i have a car, phone, dog, so many bills and no family to live with. I have no idea how to get out.
5 comments
You need to get out. There are organizations that can help you with a temporary space if you don’t have somewhere to go. If you do have somewhere to go, move your stuff/ dog first while your boyfriend is out, then break up in a public space. If you think he’s going to be suicidal or he threatens suicide, call the police. Feel free to dm me.
Definitely contact a domestic abuse hotline about how to get out safely.
Save as much as you can and sell everything you can. Get everything ready and then leave. Don’t tell him. Once you are safe you can tell him it’s over but I wouldn’t give him the chance to manipulate you before you are out. Leaving is very dangerous, make sure you cover your tracks – search history wiped etc, don’t tell anyone connected to him or you both.
Whatever you do, make sure he doesn’t know your plans. You’re always at the greatest risk when you leave an abuser. [thehotline.org resources](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-a-safety-plan/) can help you.
You may also want to look at the [power and control wheel](https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/PowerandControl.pdf)
He’s a psycho, you need to see about getting him counseling number one.
Cut your bills any way you can.
Don’t spend any extra money.
Get a second job and start squirreling away cash so you have options.