My (24M) ex (21F) and I dated for a year. She dumped me 2 months ago for another guy, they didn’t work out, and now she’s single. I tried reaching out to her a couple of times, and she made it clear that she wants no contact and doesn’t see a future between us anymore and that she lost feelings.
I took it to the chin and obliged to her wishes. We haven’t spoke in 45 days now. We don’t have each other on social media and I have no idea what’s going on in her life. But, I think of her obsessively, 24/7. I check her private social media profiles at least 20 times a day just to see if she changes her profile picture or if her follower count changes. I drive by her house a few times a week and I don’t even know why. I hate myself each time I drive past it. I’ll drive by the street of her church and hobbies when I know her car is there just so I can see it parked. When her car isn’t there, I get mad and make assumptions that she’s on a date or having sex with another guy and I won’t eat all day. I check her Spotify profile daily to see if she’s created new playlists. I dream of her every night, I think of her from the second I wake up until the moment I fall asleep. I view guys profiles that she is friends with to see if they post of her. I fantasize about us getting back together every second of every day.
The thing is, it’s not like I’m NOT trying. I’ve been seeing a therapist for 6 weeks now. I joined Jiu Jitsu and Muay Thai classes and I train in the gym 6 days a week, 3 hours a day. On my day off, I do a couple hours of yoga and lift weights. I found a new church to go to so I won’t have to see her every day. I had sex with a girl that had been chasing after me for a couple years. I’ve gone on a few dates and have held hands, kissed, and spent time with other girls that have extremely high interest in me. I went on two solo trips out of the state and turned off my phone for a few days while I was there. I’ve journaled so much, I’ve written at least one letter to her every day that I never end up sending. I’ve read at least 10 self help books. I cry every chance I get.
I took a trip with my family to Vegas and the Grand Canyon. I went on a vacation with my best friends to Colorado and got a badass airbnb in the mountains. I’ve gotten blackout drunk to the point of throwing up everywhere. I’ve dealt with most of it while being sober. NOTHING FUCKING WORKS. She’s like a parasite on my brain. Nobody compares to her. I want HER. I’m obsessed, like I’m addicted to her. Like I need her. Please help me. Idk what to do anymore. It’s like I’ll never be over her. I’ll never move on, she’s perfect in my eyes. Fuck.
9 comments
Is this not stalking?
You need to leave that girl alone and none of what you’re doing is helping you. You’re keeping yourself in that situation and hurting your own feelings.
This is borderline stalking my dude. you can’t constantly drive by her house. that’s not cool. checking her profile 20 times a day to see if she changed her profile picture?
I recommend you talk to someone about this because it’s not normal. I get breakups suck but if she explicitly told you she doesn’t want you to contact her anymore and you drive by her house multiple times a week that is not okay.
You realize that is the least attractive thing you could say about someone? No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who is obsessed with them.
There is a reason you aren’t in a relationship with her and she’s your ex. Obviously, something didn’t work out. You can rationalize it any way you want, but something failed in your relationship, and its pretty unlikely it’s been fixed in the span of 2 months.
Dude, give it time. It will pass. Happens to most of us when we’re young. And stay the fuck away from her!
Bro, you just gotta move on. Youre hurting yourself by watching her every move, and more importantly being incredibly creepy and overbearing. Its just not a good look.
An obsession only lasts if you feed it. You’ve done well by taking steps to avoid seeing her, now you have to take action to avoid thinking about her. It will take about 8 months.
Some people commenting on here are pretty rough on you.
I mean, you’re aware yourself this is unhealthy and obsessive, so other people telling you is not going to make you feel better. I can also get quite obsessive when I go through a breakup while people would normally describe me as a calm and collected person. I think I’m trying to look for some way in, I can’t let her go because I don’t want to, trying to look for some kind of contact or sign, because I can’t deal with them being out of my life completely. I think you’re going through some trauma reaction. It seems like you’re also taking other steps that are quite wholesome, so don’t forget to also congratulate yourself on that part.
Honestly, I haven’t been able to stop my own obsessive behaviours yet, so I don’t have a lot of advice to give, but it’s not going to help you if you push yourself down even more down a shame spiral, I’ve found out it actually makes the obsessiveness even worse when I go down that path.
Do yourself a favor and fucking block her on everything please and try to forget her address!!
Sounds like you want what is forbidden which is hard to deal with. This will get you into jail tho if you don’t stop. If I were you I would write down a list of all the things you can loose if you get convicted. Is it worth it? Look at the list every time you think of her. Look at all the friends you will lose if convicted. Look at what she is saying, and leave her alone. Be happy in your life and someone will come along. Stop thinking about a good past, and start thinking in the present and future of what you want to do with your life. The right person will come eventually. Meds help too.