I guess this post is to vent more than anything else but I’m getting seriously fed up that no matter how hard I seem to try, I can’t make one single person stick around as my friend. I had a great friend group in my teens but in the last few years everyone has gone their separate ways and even though I’ve tried really hard with each of them individually and expressed a lot of desire to do things/hang out, I always get turned down or ignored. I have one “friend” left from this group but I honestly feel like I’m nothing but a sounding board to her because when I try to actually plan things with her she always makes up an excuse and everything in our relationship is always on her terms (I.e she won’t compromise and it always has to be her way usually).
I’m also in college and I tried to make friends there to no avail whatsoever. I had two people I really liked but one dropped out and I didn’t hear from her after that- the other one I’m 99% sure was using me for help with exams and schoolwork because now that we’re on summer break she hasn’t spoken to me once- even though I tried to get in contact with her after we passed finals so we could go out and celebrate. It also hurts to see people from my old friend group with their new friends, while I have literally no one around me except my SO. I’m really beginning to feel like I’m unlikeable or something because despite putting myself out there my friendships never work out.
I also feel like nowadays many people my age (at least in my area) don’t have many interests or hobbies, as it’s really hard to connect with people on anything really… and a lot of people seem to just wanna stay home and not do anything (I enjoy concerts and little weekend trips, going out to drink every once in a while etc but when I pose these things to people they have 0 interest). I’m actually an introvert and I love being at home but what I’m getting at is a lot of people seem really stale? I can’t seem to find anyone who has any real hobbies or likes.
4 comments
I’m in the same situation at 30 and I’m not in college. I have so many regrets. One of those is that I joined a society or group at uni ti try and make friends. Who knows I might have had a bit of a better life if I had. Is there groups you can join? Like a film club etc. Where you just need to turn up?
Hi there! I’m pretty much going through the same as you. It’s almost near impossible to make new friends at a function (at least for me) but I still make the effort to go out places on my own. But there are a couple of gems out there that’ll take the time to get to know you even though it seems unlikely. Your “friends” are pretty shitty by just canceling on you frequently or having it their way all the time bc they’re not being honest on wanting to hangout with you. They might as well just be their own friend if they wanna keep that shit up.
I stopped going out w the expectation to make a friend bc like you said, most people just wanna stay w their group or are pretty stale when it comes to conversations. At concerts, the farthest it’ll go is share our instas and never talk to each other ever again. People sometimes flat out ignore me if I talk to them at events? I also go to college but most of my classmates are “get the work done and gtfo” type of people or they work/parent. But I guess that doesn’t necessarily excuse not making new connections, I wouldn’t really know tbh! 🤷🏽♀️
I don’t think it might be that you’re unlikable. (I think this way for myself at times too as to why people don’t wanna approach me or be friends) I believe it comes just from how egotistical and cold people from our age can be sometimes. Or as my good friend would say “they’re just dickheads”. Besides you posting on the gram and getting fucked up all the time, what else do you have going for yourself? Its kind of all an illusion at times bc it seems everyone else is living it up on social media with their friends.
It does hurt and feels very lonely at times but I do hope for you to have a well and true inner circle. They’re very difficult to have these days. At the end of the day, you should be surrounded by people who you feel safe, accepted and protected by. You know you can trust them and they support through through thick and thin. You are not a throwaway and you are not just entertainment. I recommend you watch Kelly Stamps if you have the time, she touches on this topic a lot (plus I love watching her content on YouTube) I’m always happy to meet and talk to new people so my DM’s are open to have a convo! Wishing you the best 🌈☁️
it took me well over a year in university to truly make some really great friends and it’s funny because once i had friends we realized that freshman year we all should have hung out because we were so similar and didn’t like to go out to frat parties and stuff.
The turning point for me was joining organizations that i was passionate about enough to stick around until i made friends with the people there. At first i would go to meetings and barely talk, but once i became apart of the leadership teams you have to talk to people all the time and then you find friends quite easily.
i run into the same thinking you mentioned in the last paragraph at times as well, but i always think it’s much more interesting to see people as really complex, but maybe you just haven’t been given access to that part of them yet. Some people are much more open with their personality and some people only show the part that goes along with the mainstream thinking. in general, people love to talk about themselves so if you act generally interested in who a person is when you meet them you have a much higher chance that they’ll think you’re nice and want to see you again
Yep as others have suggested, join a club at school. Another idea – get a job if you don’t have one. Some of my best friends from college years didn’t go to school with me, we became friends while working our customer service/retail jobs.