I’ll get straight to the point.
I lost my husband in March, before he passed I was more on the submissive end but not to an extreme and I was able to watch certain types of porn and enjoy it. Since he died I’ve found that I’ve been feeling a lot more submissive and clingy, along with completely losing my interest in porn. I do masturbate still but it’s very different. During sex the way I want to be treated has changed a lot too and it concerns me a little.
I’ve lost people close to me before and it never really changed who I was sexually, not for very long at least. I don’t really want to go to my friends about this as they’ve already been a bit judgy so I’m posting here. Is this normal? Is there any way I can get back to my usual self?
7 comments
I’m so sorry for your loss. Healing takes time, you may want to consider a few therapy sessions to help with the process, and give you an opportunity to explore questions like this in a professional environment without judgement
Fellow widow here [7 years]… I was the same way with different needs/wants up until recently. Unfortunately, time has been the only thing to help me move forward in my sex life and understanding myself, my needs, etc, apart from who I was with my husband. Grief from losing a spouse is very difficult and it takes time to navigate through. I know I probably sound like a broken record but it’s so true. So give yourself some patience and grace, I am sending all the healing vibes your way. ❤️🩹
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Life changes can have direct effect on sexual preferences without a doubt, you went through a substantial life change just a few months back. Mentally you’re moving forward and that mentality affects the body too. Nothing really abnormal about it. Sometimes change just is….
In my experience, losing my spouse made me desperate. Desperate to fill that gaping hole with something. I tried to date way too early. I’m 2 and 1/2 years in and the desperation is just starting to wane.
You’re grieving, it’s normal to change.
And as for your sexuality changing, is it really a problem? Do you care about judgemental people? There’s nothing inherently wrong with the direction you’re heading, as you’ve described, only whether or not you’re ok with being that person, which is something you have to decide for yourself, regardless of anyone else’s opinion.
Sounds pretty normal, whatever that means. And your process sounds healthy to me. I’ll point out that your questions are skewed in the negative. You know what’s right for you.