Advice please: So I was travelling with a friend in the UK recently and we were in London. We had gotten towards the end of the trip and I was pretty exhausted – had also picked up a cold and was feeling sick. We had a twin share in a hotel (two single beds next to each other basically in this room). He says he’s going to meet this girl that he ran into earlier on the trip and liked. I knew he wanted to sleep with her – I said if that was going to happen/they both wanted to, could he please go back to wherever she was staying or some other place (because I really didn’t want to be asked to leave in the middle of the night, half asleep and sick, and wander round London at 12am). After I’m asleep for a while I get woken up by him, saying this girl is here and could I leave – I said no, and that I had literally nowhere to go. I just tried to go back to sleep. He brought her in and slept with her anyway. Right next to me. I think they thought I was just back asleep – but obviously it was hard to be.
Another thing is that it’s now a week later and he’s decided he doesn’t like her anymore and won’t keep in touch with her. I might’ve understood it ‘more’ if he really liked her and had feelings for her etc etc., but clearly that wasn’t what this was. The fact that he was prepared to ignore my ask, as a really good friend of his, for someone he didn’t really care about rubs salt in the wound a bit. I’m still upset about it – am I right to be??
10 comments
why is the fact that he doesn’t like her the worst part? Do you have feelings for him?
No, that’s not okay. Having sex in the same room with you violates your consent, and that was really gross of them to do.
Really disgusting. You definitely are right to be upset.
Usually cool and ends up being a fun anecdote. (This has happened to me or with me a few times)
But because you were sick, and he presumably knew it, it sucks that he didn’t care about your need to sleep. Clearly selfish on his part.
The fact that you had to ask that of him, shows you know he has no morals or some good type of character or respect for you and your friendship. Having to be asked that shouldn’t be asked unless you have that type of friendship or comfortability with each other, which you clearly do not. So are you surprised this happened?
It’s honestly extremely disrespectful to do to your friend, unless you’re okay with that. But you don’t seem to be at all.
But are you upset he did that? Or upset that he isn’t talking to her anymore?
I’d stop being friends someone who did that to me – just find other people to hang out with. It’s not really worth talking about either because they already have all the context, just don’t really hang out, certainly don’t travel with them anymore.
You’re on a vacation with your mates, ease up a little OP. You’re gonna cock-block your boy cause you have a cold? If anything the friend should be pissed his boy didn’t have his back
My first roommate in college did this to me, except in the bunk under me.
She wasn’t my roommate for much longer after that.
Complete disregard for others and a singular focus on self? That’s not anyone that I want in my life.
People are saying no this was not ok or yes it was, based on if they themselves would be bothered by this. Those opinions are not important OP. Did it bother you? Did you ask him not to do it and he did it anyway? Then he showed you that your boundaries are not important to him. Now it is up to you yo decide if you want to continue being friends with someone who does not respect your boundaries.
yep