By loner life/phase, I don’t mean an “*internet depresso trend guy*”. I mean someone who has friends (mostly work colleagues), but don’t hang out with them much, neither they put effort to call/talk to you nor do you. Don’t have a partner (or just had a breakup), dealing with a downfall in your career, parents aren’t aware of your situation. You’ve become stoic, you don’t feel emotions as you used to.
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*I guess I summed it up pretty well.*
19 comments
Been there, done that, came out the other side without shooting up any supermarkets or elementary schools.
I wish that was my life right now.
That definately sounds like me!
Absolutely. Honestly, I just kept peddling until I finally found good friends. The hard part was continuing to work on myself while feeling like absolute trash all the time. If you can do that, there’s hope.
Get yourself a hobby that involves other people. Wado Ryu karate was my pick. I got some good friends and got in better shape.
Yeah I was homeless for 4 years from 16yo to 20yo.
I realized I was a loner because I was not only incredibly judgemental, but also resentful, selfish, and hedonistic. And of course it was everyone else’s fault, not mine.
Having friends takes sacrifices… and the first sacrifice to realize is that it’s probably something about you that makes you unworthy as a friend… and you should painfully burn away that part of yourself so you can be reborn like a phenix.
This is my life except that I have a partner.
For me it’s heaven on earth, but I’m sure others would find it hellish.
I don’t understand how to answer “how I deal with it” because that’s my state of being. I’m content.
Im living that rn at 32. My work colleagues speak highly of me, we get along well and I defend them when customers become violent or belligerent, but outside of work, im the only person that no one calls. This is by my design. Ive created a persona where at work i flex my social batteries and home I recharge. I mean shit, I dont let anyone in my apartment because it feels weird after they leave and i can also still smell them and that bothers me. I also have a hard time remaining part of group of friends. I always end up inching my way out, even though none of them actually dislikes me. I like the way I live, because no matter what happens outside my home, when i do return, the peace Ive cultivated makes me feel happy.
I love it actually.
I hated hanging out with my friends although I respected them for who they are. They seemed nice, friendly, and caring but I am just someone who prefers to be by myself. I can take and give jokes and do all that office smiles but I feel that it’s a waste of my time and money.
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>Don’t have a partner (or just had a breakup), dealing with a downfall in your career, parents aren’t aware of your situation
Is that a big deal that you don’t have someone to rely on when you’re feeling bad? I usually find others as a distraction so I just usually sit down and start contemplating or go on a walk to clear your head.
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Especially if I’m in a downfall, I worry I might start damaging or affecting people around me so I actually prefer to be left alone unless I am truly desperate or incapable of creating a remedy myself.
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Just sit down and put on a jazz music, and relax man. It’s really grea
I did from around 26-32 years old. And I was honestly happy alone majority of the time. But I knew that I’d want a partner eventually so I tried to stay open.
Eventually I got involved with a hobby that led to some friendships and a social life. Then I met my spouse and got married. Kind of miss those lonely days.
At 25, it isn’t the worst thing in the world.
I think the biggest issue is everything costs money, mainly. If you try to have a relationship or something of interest, normally you’ll spend a good bit of money. If you go out on the town, it costs money. I think I personally forced myself into a loner life, just because I didn’t want to spend the money/didn’t have the money to spend.
Me right now.
Looking for work, alone in a big house, few friends and if they are they are far away.
I do a lot of gardening, smoking weed, reading, playing my synths…
I enjoy spending time with people in short bursts (couples days max) but after a while i get anxious and want to leave or have them go away.
I spent time homeless and in jail, and I think that affected my already introverted nature.
Well I’m 25 and I’ve had no friends for about 9-10 years, there’s two guys I talk to once a month in uni but that’s it. I can’t really tell you how I dealt with it because I’m still going through it, I’ve never had a partner other than an online relationship and the psychiatrist I saw said I exhibit elements of schizoid personality disorder but was reluctant to diagnose me so who knows. What I find helps is reading books with themes that are relevant to loneliness and isolation, writing my thoughts, taking long walks to people watch and drinking every night
I have a very extroverted friend in work that annoyed me enough to go on nights out with him and eventually doing things together just became a regular thing. Now he’s moved to the other side of the world so that’s gone out the window
Oh yeah. I lived in a small town that’s about 25 minutes away from the nearest major city. When I was a teenager I went to school there and it was fine because I had lots of friends. But after highschool it got rough because all my friends moved away. So I was stuck in this dinky little town with nothing to do in it. I had no friends in my town, and the only friends I did have lived in the city. I didn’t want to date anyone (because I know everyone in my town), I didn’t want to hang out with friends because it was such a pain. As an extrovert, it was hell.
Eventually I just put effort into figuring out a way around it. My grandmother lived in the city and had a spare room that she allowed me to come and go as I please. I made a new friend group and started hanging out with them, and spending weekends at my grandmother’s place.
If you want to escape the lonely lifestyle, you have to just really put effort into doing it, and try to find ways to make it easier to see the people in your life that you enjoy spending time with.
Yeah that’s me rn, at work I’m not, not friends with everyone but I don’t consider any of my fellow employees friends. I think I’m still in a weird transitional phase with my life
I almost would have said my adult life througout all of my 20’s would qualify. However, during that time I ran D&D campaigns. Took me a moment to remember that D&D games require being in a room with other non imaginary people on a regular basis.
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You’re becomming aphatic and that is a dangerous road if you travel that one for a long time. I can recommend to do some selfreflection and see yourself as a system; your physical health, mental health and your surroundings. Maybe something slipped into your life that makes you feel that way. Ask for help if you can’t figure it out on your own, no shame in that!