TLDR: I’ve not been feeling good and this affected our relationship. He says that if I don’t cook normal food, he will divorce me.
Please forgive me for mistakes as English not my first language and also for too many details.
For the past few month I struggled with my physical health and mental health as a consequence. I have a job and a side gig, do chores regularly and cook for me and my husband. We did have intimacy issues, as I had LL because of my problems. Before this, we used to fight big and rarely, now we just have small fights almost every other day. About 2 months ago I started feeling better and started to go out with my husband more, intimacy started improving.
Few weeks ago we had a fight which started with him complaining that I don’t cook normal food anymore or don’t cook at all. Usually I cook every other day, and we order once a week or two weeks. That week I only cooked once, we ordered in 2 times that week and I was going to cook that day. Anyway, we started fighting and I asked if he wanted to divorce, because I’ve been feeling he doesn’t like me anymore. He said that he doesn’t like what I choose to do on my weekends, I don’t socialize that much with other people, we don’t have sex that often and also that I don’t cook normal food. I asked if he wanted to go the therapy and figure things out, as I’m tired of fighting, he said that he doesn’t want to. Then we agreed we will divorce and started discussing what will happen next, etc. I asked him again if he wanted to go to therapy, because I do have feelings for him still and maybe we could save our marriage. He said that there’s no need for therapy and if I started cooking good food again, we will not divorce. I cried but I agreed to do so. We settled on that and made up.
I cook every other day or every day now, but not always some elaborate meals like he asked me, and he comes back at me saying I promised I will start cooking normal food again. It makes me sad and also angry. I’m thinking what will happen when we have a child. We agreed that I will go back to work after maternity leave, so I feel like I will not be able to keep up and cook to his liking. He says he will support me and help me with kids. I’m not sure what to do? Do I ask him to therapy again? I don’t think he will agree to that. Am I just being difficult? Everyone cooks and does chores and nobody died of it, maybe I’m just being entitled here?
19 comments
>I started cooking good food again, we will not divorce
This is insanity. What a shitty bar for a relationship. You deserve better, if he actually said this.
Personally, I would not have children with a man who thinks he can ‘fire the cook’. That’s how he’s thinking of you, as his personal servant whom he can fire if you don’t do what he says. He’s probably stopped seeing you as a wife, or even as a human being at all.
Please do not have children with this man at least until things improve tremendously in the way he treats you, talks to you, and views you.
So you’ll be working full time, taking care of a child, and he’s expecting YOU to do all household chores such as cooking and cleaning? No. No way. “Keep up with coking and cleaning to his liking” how about he gets off his lazy ass and does it to his liking himself? If he can’t pitch in and help now he never will. Do not have children with this person, he is a bad partner.
Marriage still stuck in feudal times, tell him too cook himself or you’ll divorce him. Make yourself something really tasty, just for yourself, and when he asks were his is just tell him “you knows we’re the kitchen is.” Marriage shouldn’t be servitude and slavery those days should be long gone, and if they’re not wherever you live, be a trailblazer, be the change.
Divorce him first so he can’t divorce you. Your husband is a shitty person.
My only response to him would be “bye”
Doesn’t sound like yall are compatible at all. And he sounds like a selfish douche. Why doesn’t he cook if it’s so important to him. Or yall can plan and cook together, that’s fun. His delivery is awful, and overall yall just sound wayyy too different.
So anytime life gets tough or busy (like…. when a couple has kids) and you aren’t able to cook elaborate meals on a daily basis, he’s liable to start threatening divorce. Fuck that! I would seriously consider whether it’s a good idea having kids with this guy.
If there’s an imbalance in the relationship (chores, intimacy, finances) it leads to resentment and anger. Do you feel you’re doing your share in those respects? Do you feel he is?
What is “normal” food??
>TLDR: I’ve not been feeling good and this affected our relationship. He says that if I don’t cook normal food, he will divorce me.
This is where you say to him, *okay, bye*, then leave his ass.
“I cook every other day or every day now, but not always some elaborate meals like he asked me, and he comes back at me saying I promised I will start cooking normal food again. It makes me sad and also angry. I’m thinking what will happen when we have a child.” Your husband is toxic. He has extremely demeaning views of women. Do you want your child to think your marriage’s dynamics are normal? Would you want your child to pursue a similar marriage to this when they are old enough? You and your husband are your child’s role model of relationships.
It is not your sole responsibility to cook and do chores. You do enough. I cook every day or every other day, and I dont always cook meals that elaborate. My husband could care less that I dont cook elaborate meals everyday. I would tell your husband he needs to grow up, and complain less and do whatever it is himself he wants you to do. You are being too nice. Next time he complains, ask if his arms are broken and why he isnt cooking for you when you do so much? Ask why its solely your responsibility. He is a child.
He says that he’ll help take care of the children but he won’t take up the slack on cooking?
What’s wrong with this picture. If he’s demanding “Normal” food, tell him that you’ll be more than happy to show him how to prepare it and then he can have all of the “Normal” food his heart desires.
Why can’t he do the cooking sometimes? If he wants an elaborate meal, tell him to make it himself.
If he won’t help with the basic household chores that should be shared equally, he won’t help with children. He’s a chauvinist. He thinks cooking, child rearing, and chores are “woman’s work”. It’s not. You both work, you both live in the home, so daily household duties should be shared. They’re his responsibility, too.
If he wants a divorce, give him one. Find a man that will love you, support you, help around the house, and doesn’t mind take-out. No one should be with a man that makes unfair demands and shames you for not doing enough to keep him happy.
You better figure it out before you get pregnant. There are lots of quick meals you can learn how to make if you agree with him.
This might blow his mind but tell him men can cook too if he is so bitchy about it.
This sounds awful.
Why doesn’t he cook too?? I don’t get it
Having a meal prepared by your spouse should be a cherry on top, not an expectation. You guys are adults and can manage getting your own food. If my husband expected me to be his mom, I wouldn’t be in the mood to fuck him either.