* I’ve travelled the world (I’ve lived in 6 countries between 6 to 30 months), met thousands of people from different countries but here is the outcome: I am all alone.
* I was born in an unloving family. My first brother and I were abused physically and emotionally by our parents and our brother. We are still in touch with our family but we know we should never expect anything from them. I avoid talking about this with my brother because I know he holds it against them too.
* I dated several guys during my college years, all of them only wanted sex, they had no interest in giving me love. I was raped by one of my first boyfriends (how would I know what love is when my parents never gave me love?).
* I have tried to reach out to some high school friends. I was always brushed off. However, when these people needed something from me, then they had no issue in contacting me.
* In 2015, I went to India for a 6-month internship. One day (Holi), while cycling back home, I was groped by 2 guys. They blocked my bicycle and started spreading colours (Holi) all over my face, then breast. Is that all I am born for ? Being used as a sexual object ?
* I hold a Master’s degree in International Business and expected to pursue an amazing career. I was exploited in my first job by a boss that only cared about his own business and money. In my second job, I was harassed by my managed who told me that to get clients, I would basically have to take up smoking and drinking to be more sociable (believe it or not).
* I had flatmates and I was always left out. Nobody would never come to my door and ask “hey, are you ok?” or “X and I are going out, would you like to come along?”. People are selfish and only care when they need something from you.
* I prefer keeping to myself. I don’t go out anymore. What’s the point of pretending to be nice and fine when actually everyone is so self-centered and doesn’t care about your problems?
* My presence in this world doesn’t matter, so why do I keep on living?
3 comments
I honestly don’t know, too, even though life was way more easy on me. It might be really tough, and I don’t know what you should do. Nevertheless, I suppose it’s better to keep on living and improving? Well, it’s kinda stupid coming from me – a teenager who is yet to even understand what the world is – but I think taking your life is not a good choice
From what you’ve shared – your experiences have a combination of bad luck and high expectations, which seems to have led to your current mindset that your life doesn’t matter.
Without getting too philosophical – life is what you make of it. You are given a chance to experience life on this earth for X amount of years. What you do with your time is up to you. You can focus only on the negatives, or you can try to achieve as many positive experiences as possible (within your own constraints).
There are lots of people in this world who are happy to be alive and see meaning in the existence – some of them don’t have parents, or they also experienced experienced abuse, they didn’t have access to higher education, and many have physicial or mental disabilities, and so on…
In other words, your happiness is a function of your own mindset. Although you have some tragic experiences, you can still be happy and live a meaningful life. How? By striving to do things that make you happy and learning from situations that jeopardize your happiness. Even if you list 100 events tragic events, there is always time to have 101 positive experiences to counter the negative ones.
You are observing and reporting your life, there is no responsibility or ownership in your words. You seem like a agreeable person. This leads to others exploiting you, accept few harsh truths and learn to express yourself and negotiate for yourself. Notice when you are being taken advantage of and act swiftly. You will have a beautiful life ahead of you. Find value in things that are independent of others presence, approval or validation.
Focus on the being proactive, make a plan and invite others. Extend grace to others before expecting it, and above all exercise.