This is gonna read like a sob story because I am just at such a low point. I truly want to get out of this situation but I’ve been stuck for 3 or 4 years.
I’ve never been good at making or keeping friends, for a number of reasons:
– literally don’t know how to approach and befriend people. I’m always afraid of seeming awkward or annoying. (Pretty sure I also have undiagnosed social anxiety).
– it’s hard to click with people my age (18) easily. Gossip is easy to cash in on but I’m not into that at all.
– I have depression, it makes it exhausting to keep up with people.
– I never know how or what to talk about?? Like what DO people talk about when they meet in real life.
– It never feels like there’s ever enough time to have friends. I focus mostly on school and I still get mediocre scores. If I dedicated time to having friends my grades would be even worse.
I have a girlfriend. She is wonderful and also quite introverted. She is my only and best friend and we have a healthy relationship. But we’re also in an LDR. I met her online so I could be my most authentic self before meeting her in real life. I had another best friend, but sadly she passed away last year.
I am so pathetically lonely and coming out of highschool. I didn’t attend the grad ceremony or parties because I just …don’t know anyone and that also has to do with the fact that I took online school after the pandemic started. I’m just so lost.
I keep telling myself as I indulge in my hobbies and find things I’ll love, I’ll find people in those spaces that can be my friends. But that’s…never really happened in real life.
I’m starting uni within the next 6-12 months. That gives me the opportunity to make new friends I suppose. But still, how do I even take that opportunity?
I’m afraid of becoming codependent on my girlfriend if I continue to be a loner. I don’t want to lose the only good and strong relationship I have just because I suck at making friends outside of the relationship.
3 comments
Friendships are made through repeated, casual interaction. This will be easier in college than high school. By the time you get to high school, friend groups have already solidified. You also got screwed by having high school online. I’m sorry about that. I think we’ll look back on that and realize it was more harmful than helpful.
Everyone who is new to uni is in a similar scenario. No one knows anyone. Your freshman classes are the perfect opportunity to meet people. Talk to people about the class you’re in, talk about the professor, ask what other classes they have, what their major is, where they’re from, if they live on or off campus, etc. You don’t need to have similar interests to be friends with someone. Making friends is about establishing a shared experience and bonding over it. That’s how true camaraderie develops.
Don’t put pressure on every interaction. Some will go well, some won’t. The fact is that even people without social anxiety have awkward and uncomfortable interactions with people. It’s part of life! Accept that not everyone is destined to be your friend. And you don’t need them to be. It’s a numbers game. You only need a few.
Good luck!
Only 18?
You’ll be fine mate
One thing that helps me is acclimating to an environment. I have a lot of anxiety about going out to any public place, but if I go often enough (the gym, coffee shop), it becomes less and less scary and unfamiliar. It’s hard to just walk up and say hi to anyone (we are wired to be suspicious for our own safety), but if you get used to a place and the people that are usually there, after a while it won’t be intimidating anymore. This is the only thing that has really worked for me. It always takes me a few times of going to a place to actually interact with anyone, but after that it usually works! Good luck OP!