I’m 14 male and was able to talk to my crush, thankfully she’s a kind of a friend of friend so I was able to “blend” into the group her group of friends, and it felt good even though it was for about 30 minutes and I didn’t personally talk to her and only talked to the group as a whole. What’s bothering me and why I can’t sleep tho, is how she “reacted” to my presence; firstly I would like to say that we studied in the same class 3 years ago but I’ve changed *a lot*, not only puberty but I’ve also let my hair grow so I have really long hair nowadays which makes me think she doesn’t remember me, but back to the point, she would not stay more than 2 minutes without looking at me, which didn’t bother me at the time but now I can’t sleep because I can’t figure it out if, she thought I was weird, she thought I was familiar, or she thought I was pretty, I am very insecure about my appearance mainly because I don’t know if long hair is “weird”/”ugly” and I don’t know if I in general am ugly even though I can look at the mirror and think I look nice. And tbh I don’t even expect tips since I’m probably just overreacting and overanalyzing shit, but I needed to vent or else I wouldn’t sleep.
2 comments
From the sounds of it, maybe that she was trying to figure out if she recognised you? Group conversations can be hard to gauge so maybe see if you can talk to her and just chat casually and see how she responds then
As long as you keep thinking your hair ugly and being insecure about your looks, people will notice and feel that vibe coming from you. People notice the way you carry yourself and the vibes you give off. When you are nervous/anxious/overthinking/worrying about your looks, your verbal and nonverbal actions tend to show it. If you keep acting this way, people will stop associating with you because it’s a negative vibe. You are essentially conveying that you are unworthy to hold a conversation with them or be around them and that they need to be constantly reassuring you. That’s not what you want to convey, and it’s nobody else’s job but your own to validate and reassure yourself. People gravitate towards self confidence, not anxiety.
Genuinely connect with them in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what people say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.