I feel like driving off a bridge.
June 3rd I cheated on my boyfriend of a year and a half. Id been feeling alot of pressure in the relationship, emotionally, financially, responsibly, and had been checking out mentally for the last few months after feeling unsupported and unappreciated. This nice lady was supposed to drive me home after a show at like 3am and her kid (my age) offered me bong rips, she disappeared after we did rips and I had to go to sleep at their house, I lied to my boyfriend and told him I was at my friends house bc I knew he wouldn’t like if I was at some random guys house. Obviously.
I’m small and was 8 drinks in with 4 shots and 4 girly drinks. I was really drunk, on the edge of feeling nauseous. I let this guy take me to his bed. hours later im still drunk and sleeping. He starts to hold me, I was still dizzy, kinda nauseous, half asleep and he was really good looking so I didn’t fight it. I didnt mind being cuddled while I felt shakey and hungover, i stayed sleeping. After a while he kinda just took me over and did what he wanted without asking, he was really strong so I just let it happen. Feeling so weak and tired from the hangover as well as feeling unsatisfied in my relationship, I didn’t fight at all. The guy drove me to my car the next morning where I spent the next 2 hours sobbing because I betrayed my boyfriend and had to go home and face him.
I broke up with him a few days later because I couldn’t live with myself. That betrayal aswell as not feeling supported I knew I needed to go grow up. It was very sad for us both and were still on good terms.
I ignored the pain I knew would set in by letting the guy I cheated with take me on a date, he fronted me so hard and pretended to be so amazing. He invited me to his house for the weekend and came to pick me up, it was fun at first but I slowly realized he was a fake. He started to show aggression over tiny things, shitty regressed opinions, jealousy & possessiveness, high emotions & mood swings, not asking for consent and forcing himself on me without a condom. all within like 2 days. his step-dad yelled at me and he jumped in and yelled with him for me telling them steroids are a drug. The whole dynamic in the family was completely fucked and they made me feel so unsafe. When I told him that i didnt wanna be treated like this or ill leave he swung from crying to anger to crying in my arms i just wanted to leave. He again did things ti me wothout asking and called me mommy. The next day he drove me home, guilt tripping me and crying stoicly, telling me it’s for the best if I don’t come back.
A few days later he’s obsessively texting me (like 12+ messages for every one of mine) just gaslighting me and and spazzing out about how feminist make him feel scared and that men are just aggressive with no self control and i have to settle for that if I want a strong male.
All i can think about is my sweet, gentle, funny, pro-feminist, safe, ex boyfriend. I miss his company and friendship so much. How could I cheated on someone so amazing with someone so god awful and then continue to see them after.
All I can think is how fucking terrible i am. This is unforgivable and it would be wrong of me to try and go back, no matter how bad I want us to reconnect someday.
11 comments
You didn’t cheat, you were raped
Always starts with drinking. Anyways, do you regret drinking now?
It seems like you moved on to distract yourself and now you are mourning your old relationship which you may not have done properly when it ended. Either way it ended for a reason and now you have the time and energy to focus on yourself and healing. This is an exciting chapter you can use to grow and be happy on your own, then when the next person comes along you will know what you want out of the relationship
ill put it this way, sounds like the man raped you, you couldn’t consent and were drunk, BUT you still sorta cheated or were at least a really shitty girlfriend. You lied to your bf about where you were, he could have come and got you, and then you spent the night at some random guys house which would probably be reason enough for him to break up with you. you should feel shitty but cut yourself some slack, you fucked up but you have learnt and hopefully wont make the same mistake again, plus that guy 100% raped you whether you or he realised it or not.
mourn the relationship, maybe try explaining what happened to him to lift the weight? This last part take for a grain of salt because I really don’t know what to do in this situation but I’m sure someone else will give you the advice you need! good luck and I wish you the best!
I mean this quite sincerely, but you need professional help that Reddit isn’t equipped to provide. You’re either doing a terrible job of explaining what happened, or you’re trying to convince yourself that you weren’t sexually assaulted. Either way, this is something a therapist can help you work through.
Edit: According to your post history, you’re 17 and your ex is 16. Find a trusted adult in your life to talk to.
Stay the hell away from your ex.
You have a new boyfriend now. You 2 fit well together. Same personalities.
Sometimes Karma is great. Enjoy your karma.
I’m sorry for what happened to you with that man, you didn’t actively consent and I’d really recommend seeking out help from a therapist to process all of this.
While you had an awful experience with this man, it doesn’t take away from the fact you were clearly unhappy and it wasn’t working with your ex. While you’ve had a truly terrible experience, it doesn’t mean your ex and you were the right fit- it can be tempting to want to go back to the comfort and safety of something like that after an experience you’ve had. I think it sounds like you owe it to yourself to have sometime single and to yourself, figure yourself out and what you’re looking for
Your relationship is fucked. You don’t realize something good in your life until you loose it. So best get some therapy and heal your mental state. Then go find a spouse after you got through the hard shit.
so u cheated, broke up with your boyfriend and strted dating the guy u cheated with? girl what the hell girl lmao
Listen, OP. None of us were there to know exactly what happened here. One thing I WILL say is that the way you have described everything in the post is clearly done to mitigate your own fault in everything that went on here. The issue with that is that it only works with other people but leaves yourself feeling bad.
The only advice I can give you is this:
Work on your decision making. You’re young, like very young. As bad as this went this time, next time it could be so much worse. No one wants that for you.
Talk to someone that you can trust. Even if it’s a therapist, or just a trusted adult. Try and sort out your feelings in a manner that’s as honest as you can be to yourself. There’s usually a reason why we act certain ways, but also because you clearly have had a traumatic experience here.
Focus on yourself for awhile. What’s done is done, for good or ill, but you definitely owe yourself the shot at a good life.
And just a personal request from a rapidly aging 30-something year old married dad? Don’t be in such a big goddamned race to grow up and “adult!” Go enjoy some regular 16 year old stuff, like stupid silly stuff, while you still can.
I think the rape is pretty obvious here. He had sex with someone barely awake. That is a fact. That is not never ok. The rest is just history. And as he treated You after confirmes it.