Am I wrong for wanting to cut ties?
Loseing hope in people help me guys I got questions
Help me I’m super lost loseing hope in people am I going nuts I pride my self on honestly and morals I’m about to give up and conform idk what tf to do
So I’m 31 I’ve had a 7 year relation ship 15 to 23. 3 year 24 to 27 then flings in between and so on. I shut down bc everyone truly seems to be so for them self . the 7 year I dropped out of school bc I struggled with being an idiot. I had the girl move in my moms bc she came from an abusive home I drove her to school every day she was 4.0 deans list smart girl bla bla I got an apparment in my cousins name at 17.
I worked bs jobs for us to have a place to stay, she got out of hs and went to college.I continued to support just to be told I’m never gonna around to anythint but a loser, took it hard. moved on met girl number two she enjoyed partying I gave her all I could provided the happiness tryed to be what’s considered a man bc I felt that’s where I failed before. I’m not a simp I’m not ugly I just have huge values sometimes I feel I must be crazy, bc a lot of people are so dence its shocking.
I make easy friends but I never had family, never had companionship, but I believe in honesty respect loyalty. I more and more feel like I gotta be off the rocker. so yeah I provided the party provided everything I could for the second girl lost my self doing so bc ovb I don’t wanna lose anyone again, I thought that’s what a man is supposed to do that chick ended up fucking my friend. chalked that 3 year relationship up to some people just suck didint take that one as hard as relationship number 1.
Had flings after that didint wanna be hurt, worked in a bar had company and friends over all the time I had the place to go the fun house. so even tho I had some beautiful girls come on to me it was only for the things I had very shallow left me empty it left me more hurt than before, now I’m being used by people bc I’m dude dude who provides all the party,, forsomething out of me and that’s what it was, I’m far from an idiot might not be good at book smarts but I am amazing at what I put my mind but I’ve never understood people I have no idea why people don’t pride them selfs on honestly.
back to the story this is where my question comes into play. present time I met a girl I’ve become so broken, and taken away from wanting to try and believe in people, even tho I am social no one littlarly no one cares for you the way you care for them, I love people I feel sometimes I laugh a joke and make people smile just bc Ik how it is to hurt. but this girl I thought was super dope, I see in her a beautiful person huge heart she seemed honest seemed to have values I do, but yesterday 2 days ago actually caught her in a lie
we were out at the bar I talked to another friend. she told the girl she was with bla bla so and so wants to hang said it low definitely didn’t want me to hear, or it seemd, she didint think I caught it forsure so, we went out side I said well wyd after this. She said going home or to the girl she as with house the friend said I thought we were going by bla blas house. she froze I walked off to grab a drink to save the bs for private like I didint hear anything.
we hang out another hour or two have a great time mind you this girl told me she likes me we Ben at it for months deep fiends slowly gaining I’m respectful not a douche gentleman of sorts. I try but as we leave she texts says ty for everything you mean more than you know your very special to me and ty for tonight and this n tha very cute deep message normal for her.t I respond ty and so on but I say don’t lie to my face idc what you do your not mine but I really don’t respect the lies and I call her out on the whole thing how she froze it’s just wrong don’t lie. That’s so big to me like wtf I just wanna meet people who are real did I do to much there? am I fucking crazy?
like I’m serrisoly starting to think so. and she apologized said sorry so many times she said it was only an option so I didint bring it up. Idc what she dose not my gf but the way it was done was so eww. idc about wtf she’s doing not a possessive wirardo it’s the lie like do whatever just don’t do that lies change the view people have of you. so she got it apologized today comes she comes by says she’s gonna stop by my weekend job, a bar bouncing I get off early never off Early on a Friday.
so I told her in the Convo the night before i’m not mad at her just lying is a huge thing she asked if she could stop bye at my job I said sure be more than happy to give you a big hug, I’m not mad at you so mind you I end up being off for the night she pulls up in my parking spot at my house she says her friend is coming down and they want to go out and just dance I said a For sure definitely go live your best life, but also in my town there’s two streets with all the bars I was like why don’t you just come over here by us there’s plenty of places you guys can dance and have fun She proceeds to insist her friend wants to go to the other place on the other street we will call it street B I say OK at this moment she’s in the car doing make up after saying on the phone she’s not getting all dressed up. she’s got a friend on speakerphone her friend says what do you want to do do you want to go to the bar that is on the street that I was currently going to street A she says no the other one so first off she said that the other bar was her friends idea clearly was not……I called her out for being Her idea I was like dude that’s clearly ur idea ur friend don’t even know what that place is asked what’s it called like for real dude…she gets mad and I’m never off on Fridays she goes to the other bar bar B, am I wrong for thinking it was forsomething or to do something because if she really cared she would’ve came to the same street as me and took the time to get to enjoy my company could’ve went and danced anyway she proceeded to reply to send me a text around 1 o’clock I was like hey how’s it going… why don’t you come over here by us was my initial text…she was like yeah kind of sucks here I’m not really feeling it but I don’t think I’m gonna come It’s pretty chill over here so it’s whatever…. First off shitty eww respons…I was like why not
if you’re not feeling it over there why not come here Literally no response she’s on her own agenda try to do her own thing didint text me the rest of the night completely switches idk how to feel feeds me a view of one thing but that I feel speaks volume am I wrong guys please tell me if I’m wrong help me understand chime in please thank you guys for your time I hope you are all mentally doing better than me to stay blessed
Is it wrong to completely want to cut someone off after this after lies even so small?
4 comments
Not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life.
You’re not wrong to want to cut ties… If you’re not comfortable talking with someone or don’t feel like you can trust them about the smallest things, you should cut them off your life. If they lie about small things how can you count on them when you need?? Makes no sense to me.
Also, I’m really sorry for what you’ve been through. Unfortunately, bad people can smell good people from afar and love to take advantage of others. Maybe you should reevaluate your social circle and try to find like minded people elsewhere.
When someone doesn’t care about me the same way I care about them, I immediately cut them off. I’m not wasting my time and energy with people that don’t deserve any of it. Because I know I’ll end up upset/hurt, so… better to have 1 good friend than 1000 fake people.
Hey so, have you been to therapy at all because this eems above reddits pay grade. In terms of being able to actually help you. You seem to be putting yourself out there to socialize which is great but you’re putting yourself in the same scenarios again and again with the current mindset you have. Also
>I’m not a simp I’m not ugly I just have huge values sometimes I feel I must be crazy, bc a lot of people are so dence its shocking.
So your huge values don’t actually align with your actions and you think you have huge values but the thing is you don’t. You keep burning the candle on both ends and put faith in the wrong and also new people you don’t actually know and also way too much trust all at once. When you date someone, you’re not supposed to go intensely all at once place all your emotional trust in them. It’s a gradual thing. You’re right, you’re not a simp, but a lot of your commentary is along the lines of an incel where you expect complete trust and honesty from people you don’t know and then get hurt over and over again while calling other people dense for not doing so. You mentioned you didn’t have a family to rely on growing up but you had friends. Friends are not always going to be the parental guidance you need because the relationship with your friends will have different boundaries than you would with your parents.
I think focusing on the relationship aspect is not the problem, when the problem is really stemming from your beliefs and reactions to relationships. I didn’t even finish reading because it is literally just you spiraling and continuing to pursue someone after you’re uncomfortable and acknowledge the red flags but choose to continue. It feels like you’re out of touch with relationship reality. Seeking help from a therapist or on YouTube will help out a lot. I know on youtube crappy childhood fairy is great with relationship advice. And when you do start therapy, it is not all at once. It’s gradual and things change little by little. The problem isn’t wanting to cut ties, the problem is the formula on why these scenarios keep happening so intensely. You have to remove yourself from the situation.
*Wading in because you sound sweet, and this is fixable. Don’t break up with her.*
>we were out at the bar I talked to another friend. she told the girl she was with bla bla so and so wants to hang said it low definitely didn’t want me to hear, or it seemd, she didint think I caught it forsure so, we went out side I said well wyd after this. She said going home or to the girl she as with house the friend said I thought we were going by bla blas house. she froze I walked off to grab a drink to save the bs for private like I didint hear anything. >
*My interpretation’s a little different than yours. You’re standing next to her, both of you talking to people on your opposite sides. She had her evening in parts. One part with you. One part with Blabla. I take it that’s not another guy? Just two different things to do. You just had a portion of her time, that’s all. Nothing personal.*
>Idc what she dose not my gf but the way it was done was so eww. idc about wtf she’s doing not a possessive wirardo it’s the lie like do whatever just don’t do that lies change the view people have of you. so she got it apologized today comes she comes by says she’s gonna stop by my weekend job, a bar bouncing I get off early never off Early on a Friday. >
>so I told her in the Convo the night before i’m not mad at her just lying is a huge thing she asked if she could stop bye at my job I said sure be more than happy to give you a big hug, I’m not mad at you so mind you I end up being off for the night she pulls up in my parking spot at my house she says her friend is coming down and they want to go out and just dance>
*You’re being a possessive weirdo. When you say, “What are you doing after this,” and she says, “Oh. Idk….” that means your part in her evening is over and you are free to go out with your friends or just go listen to music or whatever you want to do. She’s spent three or four hours with you, she’s ready to do something else tonight and the next night. You’re not exclusive or living together rn. Let her go and go do something fun. Maybe no one ever taught you how not to be possessive.*
>I’m not mad at you so mind you I end up being off for the night she pulls up in my parking spot at my house she says her friend is coming down and they want to go out and just dance I said a For sure definitely go live your best life, but also in my town there’s two streets with all the bars I was like why don’t you just come over here by us there’s plenty of places you guys can dance and have fun >
*You’re being controlling again; your part of her night/weekend is over. Why are you not making your own plans and staying off the phone with her so she can miss you and wonder what you’re doing?*
>For sure definitely go live your best life
You said exactly the right thing, but then your actions said the opposite.
<She proceeds to insist her friend wants to go to the other place on the other street we will call it street B I say OK at this moment she’s in the car doing make up after saying on the phone she’s not getting all dressed up. she’s got a friend on speakerphone her friend says what do you want to do do you want to go to the bar that is on the street that I was currently going to street A she says no the other one so first off she said that the other bar was her friends idea clearly was not……I called her out for being Her idea I was like dude that’s clearly ur idea ur friend don’t even know what that place is asked what’s it called like for real dude…she gets mad and I’m never off on Fridays she goes to the other bar bar B, am I wrong for thinking it was forsomething or to do something because if she really cared she would’ve came to the same street as me and took the time to get to enjoy my company could’ve went and danced anyway she proceeded to reply to send me a text around 1 o’clock I was like hey how’s it going… why don’t you come over here by us was my initial text…she was like yeah kind of sucks here I’m not really feeling it but I don’t think I’m gonna come It’s pretty chill over here so it’s whatever….>
This is stressing me out to read. You treat her like you’re following her electronically. You’re trying to draw her closer to you. You have to let her spend her time how she wishes. Yes, you have a day off. Yes, she’s taking you for granted a little. But she decides how to spend her time. Hanging on her car window is a little flattering at first. You have to suck it up and get busy, honey. Stop calling her. She’s out with other girls, she’s trying to fly, let her be. You’re not her boyfriend and she gave you three hours of her week end; that’s your portion. The rest is hers. You should feel thrilled to get to do lots of other things separately, that will enhance your relationship and make it more interesting. When you’re going steady, you’ll eventually be spending whole weekends together.
>Literally no response she’s on her own agenda try to do her own thing didint text me the rest of the night completely switches idk how to feel feeds me a view of one thing but that I feel speaks volume am I wrong guys please tell me if I’m wrong help me understand chime in please thank you guys for your time I hope you are all mentally doing better than me to stay blessed
*Yes, you seriously need to chill.* You should have had your feet up drinking whiskey and watching “BoJack Horseman,” or some other guy show, and thinking your own thoughts or lying in the grass outside or driving around honking at lovely people or something.
Yes, you’re wrong, she tried to have privacy. Idk if she just called you because she felt sorry for you but I guarantee that it would be a cold day in Hell before I’d spend a minute wondering where someone is. If I wanted them next to me, they would be.
Go get a man makeover, spruce up. You have fair luck with the ladies and you just annoyed this one, but you’ve still got her. If you could be less maudlin and needy, you might keep her, she sounds sweet😉