Since I was 13 I’ve lost the ability to be able to “hold onto/maintain” interesting conversations that arise naturally or I bring up myself. I very quickly get a feeling that the conversation is not interesting and allow whatever reversion to happen to evade this feeling. It’s really frustrating because, just like everyone else, I know so much shit about topics that may never come up in conversation or be upheld in conversation for long enough to share even a crumb of what I know. The majority of my life’s learnings not even to share with whom I’m close is.. more sad that poetic to me. Kids have this I guess, blissful ignorance because they just start talking about what they find interesting and other kids instinctively do too. Are adults just not like this? Why does someone teaching me some shit they know interest me so much, but the opposite so little?
I’ve got ADD so I’m an obsessionist. Always have been. Every 6-12 months I’ll find smthn interesting, learn every thing about it. Then move on. A very trimmed down list would look like: I can rebuild most engines in my head even having not touched one in real life (from all pieces separated to the engine put together). I know almost every piece of Lego (from when I was like 10?). how supercross riders can [fly hundreds of feet, land flat on sand, and be fine](https://youtu.be/SViqor_oIHc?t=523), String Instruments of most kinds (currently sitting next to 11), the Theory of Music and how we enjoy it, PC Building & programming, whitehat hacking, High Fashion (of which I own 0), I used to play \*close to\* an entry level professional in Halo. I can identify most of the hundreds of sub-genres of Electronic Music just from listening to some of a song, I can visualize chemical structures of tonnes of chemicals, their effects, how they function, from just by seeing their acronym
Believe it or not, I’m not saying to come praise the big fucking genius over here, **What I’m saying is** I’m genuinely interested/impressed when friends mention even little bits of info about things we’re talking about, and why does my interest in their knowings not even remotely translate to my talking of any knowledgeable subject be interesting for others? I don’t think I’ve talked about barely any of that shit to my closest friends. My brain is like fucking brimming full of shit that I think is interesting, why do I not share this internal excitement socially? **I thought** long ago this was because I lectured people on topics of interest without realizing. Though, I really can’t think of a conversation I’ve had since year 9/9th grade in which I’ve held the vocal spotlight for >2 mins so, it’s unlikely. Kids have this I guess, blissful ignorance because they just start talking about what they find interesting and other kids just do too? Are adults just not like this? Why does someone teaching me some shit they know interest me so much, but the opposite so little?
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p.s. In the nicest way possible, I know reading that description I seem quite reminiscent of another spectrum outside of ADHD, with the whole “extreme memory” thing I guess… you’re just gonna have to believe me when I say I’m a regular dude with suffice social skills. This is just something I’ve never ever understood