So my (18F) boyfriend (18M) has this ex (18F). She used to be my best friend, so yes, it was weird for me to date her ex boyfriend. However, at the time we got together, her and I were not really friends anymore. She’s manipulative, infantilizing, and altogether toxic, so I didn’t feel bad about it. Also, my boyfriend and I were good friends for 4 years prior to getting together, so it was deeper than getting back at her for being how she was to me and so many others.
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over three months. That entire time, his ex has undermined our relationship by asking me to not be couple-y towards him around her. I understood this at first, and chose to be respectful to her (we were all in school plays together and around each other a lot). However, she later got a boyfriend (17M) too. She still told me not to be couple-y. If I even sat a foot from my boyfriend, she’d later act cold and rude to me, or cry, making me feel guilty. She then started talking about how she still loved my boyfriend, constantly reminding me of this. However, she said she didn’t want to be with him again? Again, we were barely friends anymore. She was only around me to be near him.
A month ago, my boyfriend said he still had feelings for his ex, too, and requested a poly relationship. I said no, not with her, because of how much she’s hurt me throughout highschool (also, their relationship was toxic). He apologized and said he needed me more than her, but kept pushing. I blew up, saying that it disturbed me that he talked to her about this idea at all, like I wasn’t enough for him. We made a deal that I’d stay with him if he promised not to talk to her again. I texted her about it too, and she also agreed, finally apologizing and agreeing it went too far.
Two nights ago, I texted her in confrontation after my boyfriend said she’d contacted him. She said he’d contacted her numerous times after the agreement, but had stopped once she eventually replied, and her message to him was one voicing anger over this.
I’m currently halfway across the world and want to confront him in person, so I have time to think about my approach. I don’t trust her, but I also don’t appreciate his potential breach of trust. Do I break up with him? Do I see if he admits to it and give him another chance? What if he’s adamant he didn’t do it? I don’t want to look through his phone because I don’t like being controlling (even our deal made me upset with myself).
TL;DR Boyfriend still talked to ex (who he still likes) after promising he wouldn’t. Dealbreaker?
2 comments
You’re so young and could do a lot better. You don’t need all this negative energy. I’m sorry :(. I hope you’re next is a LOT better than this guy.
Definitely do the confrontation in person, you’ll better be able to gauge his reaction. It’ll help you tell if he’s being honest. Just remember he’s shown you his true colors, believe them. Your very young, and have time to find the one who will treatvyou as you should be treated.