TL;DR: I (f22) paid a FORTUNE for my best friend (m27) and his girlfriends (f23) 1 year anniversary dinner AND date (as a third wheel), all for them to drive off and leave me in a city by myself cause she was tired… and didn’t tell me! Is he really a true best friend?
Background:
First, I (f22) am divorced. (…i know right? 22 and divorced). And after my divorce i got really close to what is now/formerly my best [guy] friend. We both were having “relationship issues” at the time and often conversed with each other. Never liked each other EVER, just basic friends. In fact i myself have boyfriend, whom i absolutely treasure.
1 yr into our friendship, i moved out of state (to FL) and he/his gf are situated in my home town up North.
Current Time:
He has been with his girlfriend for a year. In fact today (Friday) was their 1 yr anniversary. And to treat her, he brought to florida, in the area in which i live. Now this girl (f23) doesn’t have the best track record. She’s hung out with her ex’s behind my best friends back, abandoned him for days on end, threatened to leave him, everything. BUT (where love is deaf/blind/dumb) he’s still with her, so i trusted him [stupidly].
Tonight he says “you’re my best friend and I want you to meet my girlfriend.” I was all in. So that night we decided to go to this fancy restaurant (she has expensive taste ). Me being me, i wanted to make a good impression on her, and get to know her. So we all met up for dinner (taking our own separate cars).
First i fill up on gas ($25). Drive 40 min downtown to this fancy restaurant. Because it was their anniversary, and they’re in Florida, and because i sensed a bit of financial hardship through out our entire evening conversations, i offered to pick up the bill ($258). Extremely pricey, but hey- im too nice. *scoffs*
The night is still young, and they want to have more fun. They suggest clubbing. Now about a year ago, i would club from here to Europe. But today… i don’t have time for that. However, AGAIN, me being me… i suggested a nice, chill club i use to par-tay at. (Oh and sidenote, i showed up for a dinner in 6 in heels, dress shirt, jeans. So i got comfy clothes and shoes at Walmart because my house was 45 min away ($35).) We get there and i pay the entry fee ($13). No exageration, 10 MINUTES in she has this annoyed look on her face and says “the alcohol here is crappy, and all these girls walking around are college girls and they’re annoying me”. My best guy friend says “let’s go somewhere else, shes not having a good time.”
I bite my tongue and say “okay”. We club hop to another place. I pay the tickets ($40) and the parking fee ($10). Now being that its FRIDAY night… the strip (the street with all the food places and clubs- not strip club) is packed with 600-700 people. To get inside the parking garage alone takes about 15 min.
I FINALLY get to the garage. And my best guy friend TEXTS me (not call). “Hey we left and we’re almost to our airbnb, she was annoyed with traffic to get into the garage. Don’t worry, maybe YOU can take US to the water park tomorrow.”
…
$25 gas
$258 dinner bill
$35 walmart clothes
$13 entry fee club 1
$40 tickets/entry fee club 2
$10 parking fee
—-
Now im all for a man putting his woman first, 100%. However, I spent $381 to give you guys the best anniversary night ever… for you to leave me in the middle of the city, like a ghetto UBER??
NOW I KNOW i was absolutely stupid for spending this much on a friend. But i work from home, i have maybe 3 friends (now 2). Im extremely self conscious and not social, with a big heart. This was how i felt i could express my feelings for what I thought was my best friend. I get that and i take full responsibility.
However, im so hurt, and angry at him! Not even because of the money. But for leaving and abandoning me without a second thought, the minute his girlfriend wants to act like a drama queen.
As of right now, i dont wanna talk to him. And i have half a mind to block him entirely and never speak to him again.
So… am i in the wrong for feeling this way? And, is he even really a “best friend”?
P.s. again, i know I’m stupid for blowing a fortune on somebody like this. *sigh* #ImStupid
UPDATE: i completely ghosted him… pretty sure he got the idea now. 🙂
2 comments
Nope. He’s an asshole. He detected he could use you and so he did.
Cease all communication. In fact, I would simply block that person and not even open the dialogue of airing your issues because he will only turn it around on you or make you feel guilty etc etc.
OP, time to work on your self esteem and judging people skills. Frankly: you married young and clearly to the wrong person and you let this guy use you too. Time for you to learn how to pick better people!
OP you’re an asshole to yourself for letting him teat you this way. This man is not your friend.
He had NO reason to involve you in his anniversary. Their anniversary dinner should be between them, precisely because it’s supposed to be special (though not necessarily expensive – I’ve never paid that much for an anniversary dinner!).
An anniversary dinner is not the time to be meeting your friends GF and I wonder if she was also annoyed he decided to share that date with another woman (you) and that she maybe started picking fights and baking excuses to ditch you for that reason.
He should not have gotten you to pay for anything – if he wanted a fancy anniversary dinner ht should have been his treat.
Ditching you was harsh, but really you should never have been there to begin with.
I think you focus on the GF a lot but she’s not the biggest problem here. She may not have known you were paying. He didnt have to drag you along at all, and you shouldn’t have felt like you HAD to go clubbing or find a new club for them when she dudbt like the first one. You are doing too much for people then resenting them afterwards. I have friends like this – they were always being walked over by friends who asked for WAY too much. And they did it all unquestioningly but then complained and judged after. You need to learn to stop doing that.
Maybe you need therapy so you can draw boundaries around what you actually want to do. So that you dint resent things in the end.