I seem to have fallen for someone who himself is going through a breakup. I don’t know whether to wait or move on.

I(25F) recently met a guy (30M) on a trip and we steadily connected as the evening progressed. We had the best 2 days together. We got high on a bridge under the stars, we laughed and kissed and made love. He held me so tenderly. We didn’t want any promises from each other, we were just so content in each other’s company. It was sad when he left. Turns out we have some shared trauma. I broke up an year back from a 5 year long distance relationship and he broke up 7 months back from a 7 year long distance relationship.

I had taken time off during my breakup to process my emotions, overthink, over analyze, have a breakdown, go through the what-ifs and finally accept and heal through the lessons. Since I literally met him an year later, I was open to everything that the universe offers. My days were carefree and full of love, I was in love with myself and the life that was unfolding before me. I could finally reciprocate love and affection from others. But after sharing a night together, I found myself falling for him. I really like him. I think we make a good team. I know I don’t know him all the way or how he is in different situations but all I wanted was a possibility of a friendship. On our first night, he told me he wishes the night never ends and on our last day, he said that the last 2 days with me have been the best 2 days in the last 1 year and that he’s so glad that he found me, someone so likeminded and wonderful.

But since he’s dealing with a breakup, he’s not emotionally available for me, which I understand. We parted ways and have briefly been in touch. On one of our calls, he told me that they broke up because the girl’s family didn’t approve of him and they manipulated her to marry someone else(??) He’s deeply hurt over how one can be manipulated over 7 years of love and togetherness. She tried to reach out to him after the marriage but he didn’t entertain her. NOW she has DIVORCED her husband and is trying to get in touch with him. 🥲🥲🥲 What the absolute fuck. This girl single-handedly managed to ruin 3 lives.

Anywho, I felt a part of my heart break when he said this because how can I compete with 7 years when all we shared were 2 days? I asked him if he still loved her. He said you can’t unlove a person you used to love, he said she supported him and she is responsible for the man he is today. They had some long distance problems too, the usual, like emotional avails etc (he didn’t tell me much, I didn’t ask) I asked if he’ll get back together with her and he said idk, he tries not to think about it because it’s too painful.

So yes, I know he is in that redemption phase, trying to make sense of the mess and trying to rebuild himself. It hurts me because I wish I could be next to him, talking to him and loving him the way he deserves. Ofc we’re far from each other and he told me he’s a deeply emotional person but he isn’t good at explanations and he doesn’t like showing his emotions, he says it makes him weak, though he does cry alone, if needed. He just doesn’t like expressing them openly.

I don’t know whether to hold on or let go. I’m so tempted to call/text but if I’ve learnt anything from my past relationship, then it is to have self-respect. I can’t blindly heal him with my love, he has to take the steps and process the grief. When I was healing, I didn’t like guys hitting on me, trying to hug me a little too long, being too clingy and desperate. They wouldn’t respect the fact that I’m grieving and loathe human contact. I’m actively trying not to be this person for this guy. I want to give him space. I just wish he he would stay more in touch with me.

I can see how I’m answering my own question though this , but any and all insights are welcome!! Should I wait? Should I move on? Should I let him go and then see what happens in a year? I feel like even if I let him go, I’ll be secretly waiting and I don’t want anybody to have that power over me. After my last breakup, I told myself no more long distance but when I find someone special , it’s worth a shot. It’s okay to do long distance if you’re both mature and eventually see a future together.

Thankyou for reading this long, this is my first reddit post and I’m desperate for some advice. 💜💖🌈

TL;DR: Should I wait for someone who is going through a breakup themselves? Idk whether to wait or move on.