TW: Sexual abuse

This is a long vent – TL;DR at the end.

My PTSD is SA related. I’ve done many rounds of EMDR and talk therapy and I’m on medication. It’s pretty normal for me to have small triggers once or twice a month that make it difficult for me to be physically close to my husband for a few days. However, almost four weeks ago I was triggered so badly that I had panic attacks for multiple days following the event.

I can handle hand holding and a quick kiss, but anything else, or even the thought of anything else, immediately makes me go to full on fight or flight and I want to shove my husband as hard as I can and run. My brain can’t seem to move on from this one.

Here’s another piece of the puzzle though — one of my medications that I’m on has given me the lovely side effect of (and this is so embarrassing for me) persistent genital arousal disorder. PGAD. Yeah, it’s a thing.

So I’m sitting here with an insanely high libido, literally going crazy because I want to have sex SO badly….

And my brain won’t let me. It just won’t.

I’ve tried brainstorming positions or role playing that would help me feel in control and safe, but even thinking of attempting any of that has me panicking. And I can’t afford more EMDR right now.

I’m so. fucking. frustrated.

Does anyone have any tips or thoughts?? Or can anyone even just commiserate with me?? Im so sick of my broken brain.

TL;DR: My libido is currently sky high but my PTSD won’t let me have sex. I feel crazy.

4 comments

  1. How supportive and willing to do whatever makes you comfy is your husband?

    If he’s supportive enough, could you try out gradually getting used to and comfy with his touch?

    Say for example; he could touch you for a few seconds at a time, then build it up to a minute etc..

    For this you’ll want to create a safe word that if you use, he’ll immediately move. Or a safe signal if you aren’t certain you could speak when triggered.

    ​

    Or.. a weird suggestion but some people with SA trauma do find it helpful; maybe you could tie his hands up – that way you’re in total control.

  2. Tell me you are still in the talk theropy. That would be the healthiest place to bring this up. Without details on the ptsd i would not suggest doing anything else. I am sorry you had this happen and hope you can eventually find a consistant way to be intimate with your husband.

  3. Please please please look at the Blueheart app. Your situation sounds so like that of my wife and I.!

  4. I would complain to your doctor about the medication making you sexually aroused. Ask to try another medication if possible.

    I think acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) will help. I’ll tell you how it works. Basically, you say a word or phrase that engages the logical part of your brain. Anxiety is in the emotional part of your brain and it’s purpose is to protect you and keep you from getting hurt or killed. You already know that you can’t reason with this part of your brain. When you start to fell anxious from sexual contact, say:”It’s anxiety! I’m okay…. whatever positive word or phase that will engage the logical part of your mind. What ever you do DON’T judge your anxiety. What I mean by that is don’t get upset, angry or mad about being anxious. If you do that it just makes it worse and reinforces it.

    You difficult homework is to lay with your partner, engage in some kind of sexual contact that triggers you, say the words or phrase(s), let the anxiety wash over you and don’t get upset about it. Each time you do that you chip away at your anxiety and chip away at the memory that sex is scary and dangerous.

    I would talk to you doctor about taking magnesium Glycinate to calm your nervous system. I would go to a yoga class and learn to meditate. Avoid alcohol, caffeine and recreational drugs because they make your worse.

    This article is a summary of acceptance and commitment therapy. It’s a really deep article so you might read but not understand it at a deep level.

    [Psychology Today – Difference Between Reacting and Responding ](http://[Psychology Today – Difference Between Reacting and Responding ](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-prime/202110/the-difference-between-reacting-and-responding))

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