hello – ty in advance for your help.
I’m realizing I have anxious attachment style which is negatively impacting my relationships.
I’m a great partner once in a stable relationship, but in early phases and long distance situations I am incredibly anxious. I think about my partner a lot, and anxiety about the relationship kinda takes over my day.
This is so wild because generally I am a high achieving, confident, and fun person.
I could go into my past and why I think I’m anxiously attached but I am not sure how relevant it is.
I met a nice guy and things are going great. I’m feeling a bit of anxiety creep in, and I know I’m about to be long distance for a year august to august for a job placement. I’ll have some flexibility to visit this person with working remote, and likewise him with me.
How do I get out of my own head and not f this one up
3 comments
I’m basically the exact same way as you. I have no advice to offer aside from trying to keep your mind occupied on things you like to do and reminding yourself that YOU are in control!
I can totally relate to you. Im fun and happy most of the time but because of my past especially with guys I get anxiety in dating. I’ve never had a long term relationship. My advice to you is I wouldn’t overthink about the situation with the new person or any new person you meet. Idk the context of how long you’ve been seeing or how many dates you’ve been on with him. But try to focus on getting to know him and not futurizing the situation because it’s early stage I assume and you don’t know if you’re a good match yet. Take it day by day, keep living life as if you were weren’t talking to them. Try not to put too much mental energy into someone whom you’re not in a relationship with yet. Over some time if you want to lightly bring up that you have anxiety you can open up. But being with an understanding calm partner makes the biggest difference.
My new boyfriend (we’ve been together for 4 months) is very understanding and doesn’t get upset much at all. He’s been stressed/depressed over things he cannot control so it’s caused me stress. But if I’m having anxiety or anxious thoughts he will listen, he won’t belittle me, he won’t gaslight me like my exes. He says my anxiety doesn’t bother him. It makes a worlds difference finding a good hearted partner, I’d focus on that.
If you can bring this to a therapist, it can help in general with all of your relationships. Finding your own safety and peace regardless of the type of relationship or circumstances is healing. No single person can meet your deeply rooted need so it’s a heavy burden to place on someone and can be a self-fulfilling prophesy.