So, I’ll start this off by saying yes, I shouldn’t have gone through his phone. Yes, I am insecure for doing it and that’s exactly why I went through it. I’m heavily pregnant, miserable and feel like shit about myself right now. I’m not excusing myself, just stating the reasoning behind it.Bash me or not, I’m aware it’s not healthy.
As far as my marriage goes, my husband still shows desire for me and compliments me. I feel so fat and disgusting and don’t enjoy pregnancy, so to me it doesn’t mean much. I have no desire for sex at this point and until 2 weeks ago was still having sex, I’m uncomfortable and my stomach is the size of a basketball sex is not happening right now. I’ve told him it’s nothing to do with him, I just don’t feel good. He’s been very understanding which is appreciated. I’ve offered to still have sex if he wants because it’s always been an important part of our relationship, he said he didn’t want “pity sex”. Fair enough.
Anyway, over the last few weeks my husband has been dressing up for work when he never has before, wearing cologne more often. He’s also mentioned how he’s been complimented on his appearance lately. He’s also mentioned and I’ve heard him say it in front of me to other people how he gives me massages and dotes on me like most men wouldn’t and don’t during pregnancy. It actually pisses me off because I just feel like he’s fishing so desperately for attention.
So, I asked if I’m giving him enough attention. He just kinda laughed and said yes it’s just nice to hear it from other people. Ok, I get it I guess. We can’t rely on just one person for full satisfaction, right?
After a moment of breaking I guess you say, I went through his phone and found his porn search. Some gay, but mostly straight. I know he watches porn,I also do too which he’s aware of. I’ve had open conversations asking him if he’s ever been attracted to men, he’s always denied it. He knows it wouldn’t bother me as I’m open minded and personally believe most of us if not all are not 100 percent straight. What bothers me is being lied too. And then on the other hand I don’t tell him all the porn Categories I watch. I watch lesbian porn sometimes, but have never slept with a woman and don’t intend to, but I also don’t mention it to my husband.
I don’t know why but I can’t get it out of head. I am not going to bring this up to him,because I shouldn’t have been looking and idk if he’s comfortable telling me anyway, which does bother me. I’m really not looking for advice here, but maybe some of you may have a different perspective I should hear.
25 comments
I love lesbian porn. I have no attraction towards woman. I just like to watch.
Men can also feel the need to boost their self esteem via grooming just as much as women do.
It’s great he’s been supportive and understanding about where you are at with sex due to your pregnancy but it still may cause him to feel insecure. And it sounds like he’s doing what he needs to selfcare instead of dumping it on you. Kudos to him.
Try not to let this spin you out on your own self esteem. End stages of pregnancy can be a beast with hormones making you hyper sensitive along with just not feeling like your body belongs to you anymore.
Hang in there.
Your husband is still clearly attracted to you. It sounds like he’s just a bit heteroflexible but doesn’t want to admit it, which is fine.
In your words:
>And then on the other hand I don’t tell him all the porn Categories I watch. I watch lesbian porn sometimes, but have never slept with a woman and don’t intend to, but I also don’t mention it to my husband.
I mean based on your post your hubby and you ought to be more transparent on what you both watch in regards to porn… (if you want) 🤷🏾♂️
I think there can be a lot of reasons to have gay porn in his search history beyond having some pent up heteroflexibility. I would say slow your roll. You are also in a strange way with your pregnancy, your hormones are all over the place, probably not getting much sleep and likely your nutrition is all over the place. I would encourage you to make a list of things you would really like to address with your husband and then sit on that list until after your pregnancy when you may be more of an even keel. Good luck with the baby.
I don’t think porn preferences necessarily translate to actual desires. Like you said he mostly watches straight porn and you sometimes watch lesbian porn yourself. So I don’t really see the issue. Although, taking into consideration that it sounds like you’re towards the end of your pregnancy, the hormones definitely run high and can make your mind run with anything. I’ve been there! Thought for sure my husband was cheating on me and that all my friends hated me when I was towards the end of my first pregnancy. Neither things were true but emotionally it was a really hard time for me so I totally get where you’re coming from there.
>What bothers me is being lied too
How are you being lied to?
People should really stop equating a porn link to someone’s end all be all preferences. It’s not that cut and dried.
I say this all the time in these type of threads, so I’ll say it again.
Does everyone with a Bad Dragon dildo want to have sex with lizards?
Stop being so literal in how you view a few of your husband’s porn links.
When you google the doctor and read what they have to say, come back and we can have a discussion. Books to check out Tell me about the last time you had sex- Dr. Justin Leymiller, Tell me what you want – Dr. Ian Kerner. These guys are at the top of their game when it comes to sex and fantasies.
I watch gay porn (two men) every once in a while as a woman and am very straight.
>… and idk if he’s comfortable telling me anyway, which does bother me …
To me, this is the part worth looking into.
1 – Why did you want this information?
2 – What were you ever going to do with it?
3 – Are you a safe person for him to talk about it? (i.e., judgment free and/or not making it about you)
In these porn conversations, the spouse who is doing the “catching” is often blind to how unsafe they are due to those tendencies.
How can you be sure he is dressing up and wearing cologne for another man? Men tend to stray when their wives are pregnant, I’d suspect another woman at the office maybe?
How much are you talking about ? Like a couple links in a row one time or is it every time he watches porn? If just a couple links one time it could be as simple as curiosity or it could be all the way to him being bi/gay but as long as he’s into you why does it matter. also just cuz he told you he wasn’t attracted to men years ago doesn’t mean he lied to you maybe this is something new to him as well or again it was a moment of curiosity or maybe he is interested in ass play but not attracted to the man just the action . Sometime variety and fantasy in porn is fun but doesn’t mean you want any of that in real life
I would say he’s just curious about it just like you are watching Lesbian porn sometimes. We’re all curious by nature. If his entire history was gay porn that would be concerning.
I’ve watched some very questionable porn. Doesn’t mean I want to leave my wife for a 300lb transsexual midget. Let it go.
He feels good about himself and it shows. His porn is just whatever. Have you had other anxious intrusive thoughts? Being pregnant/post partum can increase anxiety.
Sometimes it’s the taboo stuff that we enjoy. I am lez but I love watching grannies and women who give bj’s. I am sure I enjoy it because it is far from my reality. 🤷🏽
I mean porn doesn’t dictate much. Some people like all kinds of porn but it doesn’t mean it’s something they are into IRL, it’s just something they enjoy seeing in that moment, so I don’t know if that’s an issue. And you said it yourself, you watch lesbian porn too, doesn’t mean you are interested in it, it’s just something you watch at the moment.
However, if they are other things that seem a bit suspicious then you could bring it up with him at some point, that’s better than drowning in your doubts.
Its not unusual for straight men to be curious or watch gay porn for the ass play aspect.
I like lesbian porn. 100% not a lesbian. I like gay porn too. Their ability to take a penis is unprecedented and HOT. It doesn’t mean your husband wants to participate in gay sexual acts. I know I don’t.
Your husband is allowed to have private thoughts. He loves you, you love him. Trust him.
I had a similar situation with fiance. Not woth porn but he realized that he had a slightly romantic relationship with an guy in his past who was a gay friend. I had asked so many times and he had always denied it. When he finally did tell me, I was frustrated and sad that he hadn’t trusted me. But when he explained the situation, I understood. He had an experience with his ex when he tried to tell her about his potential feelings. She literally said “ew”. My fiance is very sensitive so he obviously felt super shut down and like his feelings would be perceived as gross. That made me sad too. We’ve long since worked through it but there was a month or 2 where it definitely bothered me. Sexuality is something guys can be vulnerable about because it’s so drilled in by society especially people who are close to their late 20’s/ early 30’s.
when the baby comes this is going to be the least of your worries. Lol i remember giving a shit about what porn my husband watched. those were the good old days.
I watch lesbian porn, not a lesbian.
To me it is simply disrespectful. This was one of MANY reasons I had to divorce my husband. The gay porn eventually “led” him to erotic/tantric “massage” appointments.
I don’t know why wives feel this innate need to know every little thing that their husbands Jack off to.
What do you Jack off to?
Two rats fucking in a wool sock.
Ok