Why do I have better sex with fuckboys than potential dates?

38 comments

1. They put all their eggs in the good dick basket bc they have nothing else to offer, plus they have a lot more experience and confidence

2. Are you communicating with the guys who are interested in you? We’re not mind readers and kind of need you to tell us what you like.

3. Experience

   Who do you think fucks more?

4. Maybe you get more turned on when the other person doesn’t care? That’s a legit thing.

5. it’s not a coincidence. second group is not good enough (lack of physical attractiveness, lack of experience, average dick etc.) to get sex without a relationship. first group can get sex without a relationship, and that’s why they don’t tend to commit to you.

6. Maybe when you know the relationship won’t lead anywhere you’re freer to let go and not give a fuck about your performance or how things are going for him (like, focusing a lot on making it good for him instead of just enjoying it) and it’s easier to just feel pleasure.

7. In DnD you would call that a glass cannon, minimize all of your stats to maximize your damage output.

   But instead of damage their dick game is on point.

   You just need to find a dude with a balanced stat sheet.

   Also also lets not pretend people cant get better at sex over time. Of course the hedonists are gonna be good at sex, its their whole world.

8. Not surprising at all. They have the attributes and personality to play the field and gain more experience doing it. The relationship types would probably get better given time.

9. Anxious-preoccupied attachment style and codependency traumas are activated with fuckboys (but not with men who don’t withhold reassurance, respect and courtesy from you to intentionally keep you in a state of ambiguous ambivalence and uncertainty).

   “Action” is the distance between where you currently “are” and where you “want to be.”

   Since early childhood, your entire sense of identity has revolved around whether you were “good” or “worthy” enough of your caretaker’s acceptance, attention, and love.

   In adulthood, men who create feelings of psychological safety feel boring and uninteresting to you. That doesn’t feel familiar to you, and it’s also not the skill set for relating to people that you picked up as a child. You’re not good at this form of relationships.

   Instead, your nervous system conflates “anxiety” and “fear” (i.e., lack of psychological safety) with “attraction.” This “primes” your sexual response for when you do end up having sex with the fuckboy (and that lack of priming is noticeable with the emotionally honest and forthcoming man).

   So, the fuckboy knows … micro dose her with rejection trauma (after you’ve first got her ego vested), and then ghost and ignore her. She has motivation to win your acceptance, approval and attention to tell herself that she’s worth it as a woman. So, sit back and wait for her to dig into the emotional trap 🪤 you’ve just set. As sure as the sun rising tomorrow, she bites.

   After you get bored, discard her to seal the trauma bond and pray 🙏 you’re her phantom ex that she reaches out to years from now for that surprise validation ☺️ (just so you can reject her again).

   Because that’s how trauma works … it’s sole purpose is to simply continue existing in your body. So, it looks for ways to retraumatize you … so you can keep putting yourself in situations that make you feel like you’re not good enough or worthy enough.

10. Cause the fuckboys have more experience

11. Everyone acts differently when they’re trying to make a relationship happen. More nervous, self-conscious, which can affect men more during sex because of their physiology. This is going to affect the sex.

    If you’re going to try and make a relationship work, don’t give up after one or two awkward tries at sex. Improve your communication skills and seek intimacy.

12. I’m going to take a wild guess that the fuck boys are more attractive than the other guys. The fuckboys have more options . You know that and they know that. You can easily not have this issue if you just treat every man the same way.

13. .meme Fuckboys are trying to fuck, dates are trying to not fuck up. We are not the same.

14. Fuckboys aren’t trying to wife you up so it’s purely for sport. A dude that is on a date with you is trying hard to be a gentleman and trying to get you to like him. And I’ll add the ladies love a bad boy or toxic guy so the fuckboy is already ahead of the game and she’s probably turned on more by the fuckboy off the bat.

15. communicate what you want with these potential dates. They are trying to be respectful, but with some proper communication, then they’ll know that you are into that more..

16. If you (a fuckboy) don’t care that much what the guy (or girl) thinks of you than it eases all the performance anxiety and frees you up to really do whatever you like.

    Honestly, the more you do this and see the rewards, the better you get at sex in general. Long term boyfriends can be “taught” to be better, much like any part of long term relationship, it takes work.

    Enjoy your fuckboys for now, when you really want to settle down, be prepared to work.

17. Fuck boys are more experienced in fucking that is why they are called Fuckboys. else they will be called Good boys .

18. It’s clear where you’re priorities are. Go for the fuckboys I guess..

19. It’s not the sex. It’s you.

20. I think relationship sex vs hookup sex just has a different bell curve to it most of the time. Hookup sex has the fun vibe that hookups can give that make the experience fun and “bad” and both parties are a bit more bold because of the circumstances. In my experience hookup sex is better in the beginning, but when you’re in a serious relationship and have real long-term chemistry with a partner that’s developed over years? It’s a totally different league that keeps getting better. It’s short term gains vs long term gains, basically.

21. Wait people actually get dates and have sex off of tinder?

    Are we on the same plane of existence?

22. I have a friend that is always hooking up. He takes very good care of his body, he is always dieting, exercising,…

    He is quite selfish and and makes girls go to his house to fuck. He doesn’t even takes them for a drink or something. When they go there, they know what they are doing and they get a good dick session.

    Sometimes, it is just one time with one girl, sometimes he will repeat it a few times, as long as the girl doesn’t develop feelings for him.

23. I would say it’s probably experience on their end combined with being attractive or above average dong or even both, plus you can technically look at a fuckboy as a sec toy bc that’s all the connection is, just sex, so you probably subconsciously let down walls and barriers that you just can’t with actual dates. Least that’s my thoughts 😅

24. Fuckboys are more confident.

25. Fuck boys fuck more often thus having more experience which makes them better at sex then any regular guy. Plus they can figure out what works while having sex and what doesn’t which results in good sex experience.

26. Well… I don’t have a good answer. But I do have good question.
    Why do you end up having sex with fuck boys that ghost you for days and with zero personality?

27. ‘Cause they had more practice.

28. Seeing the from the other side, and this is just speculation based on my personal experience, I’m more likely to hold back with a girl I’m dating than one I’m only interested in sexually.

    Safety and comfort considerations aside (they apply to all partners) I will not go beast mode or try my wildest tricks on a girl I’m romantically interested in. I’ll be more attentive to her expressions, what I say to her, how I touch her etc., because I want to *build* something. In other words, it’s the time to be taking notes while also enjoying the romantic aspect, so sex might ‘suffer’ a little initially. So yes, it might be more on the average during the first couple of times, but I have a reason to invest time to learn her likes/dislikes so it gets exponentially better later on.

    With hookups, I’m more inclined to just be myself sexually, and if we end up being incompatible, no big deal.

    The paradox here is that you might also *be doing the same.* You might both be holding back; it’s not a matter of sexual skill.

29. [removed]

30. Because women keep going out with fuckboys so they gain both confidence and experience.
    Meanwhile guys who like you are more tense during sexy time with you.

    I can guarantee you I’m not an incel even though I’ll admit my first paragraph sounds like it has radiating incel energy.

31. Probably lack of anxiety, better mental state as you can focus on the flirting and not your feelings and a false sense of power that comes from flirting without feelings.

    This is common yet people always ignore it. If you’re actually looking for a relationship, keep an eye out for awkward people you find attractive on your environment, they might be going through the same towards you.

    I cannot, for the love of god, be flirty with a girl I truly like, I just become a weird, overly friendly and people pleasing blob that feels like a friend to the girl and leaves me single every single time 😂

    According to an older friend of mine, this can be overcome, you just have to be conscious of it and start changing the way you view both of these men. But I cannot still tell you if it works, because I haven’t managed to overcome the issue.

32. People accept that men are tempted by a ‘wanton woman’, even though she’ll likely break his heart and abandon him for another man.

    Women have a similar temptation, but it is towards men who act as ‘beasts’, even though he’ll likely hurt her and abandon her for other women.

    Just like how men sometimes have to decide to resist temptation for a wanton woman, women sometimes have to decide to resist the temptation of a beast.

33. This is life and this is why I’m single probably forever. Because sex for me comes above everything and it’s toxic af lol

34. For one, more experience is often correlated with better sexual performance and more CONFIDENCE!

    And I think this can be key. A guy who is looking to date you long term will likely be more intimidated, be more aware of your feelings, and have more performance anxiety. A fuck boy who doesn’t really care where things go will be indifferent to his performance and ability to impress you. Sometimes the lack of nerves and confidence from experience will lead to a better time.

    My question though- have you been in any long term relationships? I had a similar “boring” sex experience with my first boyfriend who I ended up dating for 4 years. The sex sucked at first, but once he got more comfortable and confident around me things really improved.

    And in my experience, the best sex I’ve ever had is in the context of a relationship. Even if the sex was decent to start with, it gets better if you’re both into communicating about sex, improving, exploring etc. Sex with my recent ex was hands down the best sex- because we were 100% comfortable with one another, explored all of our kinks, and there was zero awkwardness.

    And to reach that point of comfort, safety and openness can take time.

35. Fuckboys make good plumbers because they’ve seen and worked with a lot of pipes. You want someone to help take care of your whole house, but keep testing people with your pipes, and then getting disappointed when the plumber is always “better” at this single test.

    Overall Sex with fuckboys gets worse over time, as they fail to build the healthy relationship you are seeking, and the sex becomes less important.

    Overall Sex with good potential partners improves over time, as you cooperate, practice and converse with your partner about getting what you want.

    If you can’t coordinate, communicate, and practice with a potential partner about what you want in bed before, during, and after the first time you have sex – you are skipping key steps to good sex.

    It’s always about communication and cooperation… you should be able to talk to a potential partner about what you want in bed, and what you two are willing to do to get it beforehand. You are skipping that completely.

    And finally – if someone is already an amazing partner and incredible lover – chances are they got picked up right away on a different first date with someone else.

    You just keep hoping to get lucky, and be the first date that happens to, instead of working on it with someone.

36. You need to date an ex-fuckboy, who now wants a relationship, if that’s what you want.

37. I’ve had great sex under all those conditions.

    I’ve had emotionally fulfilling sex, which would probably have been mediocre had the connection not been there.

    I’ve had amazing hookup sex where we are just collaboratively using each other for pleasure and ego and such.

    And I’ve had amazing hookup sex with an emotional connection. Like a first date that went really well and the sex was off the charts and so was everything else.

    I think the difference is: confidence, desire, anxiety, and goals.

    Everything intermingles though. When the goal is sex, you can be more confident about sex because that’s what you’re there for. You know what you’re getting and there’s no future to be anxious over. If you’re just fucking, physical desire is required.

    If someone is trying to date you, they might not go big on the sex side of things because they’re being more reserved, not trying to scare you off. They could be more anxious, less confident, less willing to show their desire or play up their sexual interests for fear of scaring you off. It can still be passionate or good sex, though. It might also be novelty? After a few dates they aren’t as exciting, or your expectations are different.

    What keeps you from starting with a hookup and moving into dating? Maybe if date–>fuck isn’t working then switch it around.

38. how much time are you giving the potential dates before you decide to go with a fuck boy instead?