Hi all! I (F) have been dating my current partner (M) for almost three months. We both have a high sex drive and will have sex 3-4x a week (almost every time we see each other).
We both get “satisfied” every time. He finishes, then I finish afterwards, or vice versa. I’m not used to finishing during sex, as none of my past partners have ever cared enough to have me also finish. He gets sad if I tell him I’m not going to have “my turn” after he cums, which I find endearing. He is always making sure I am enjoying myself when we have sex.
When I do cum, though, it’s always because of me, and always from clitoral stimulation. I’m very particular about it and I need it to be a certain way to get me there. I often find other people to be too rough with my clit, or not stimulating me *just* the right way, even if I show them how I stimulate myself or use my hand to guide them. He doesn’t seem to mind, but we both want to find ways for him to make me cum, rather than him just being very affectionate with me to help me feel more comfortable/horny while I get myself off. I also take a long time to climax because my mind likes to wander and I can’t entirely focus.
What are some tips on more efficiently climaxing as a female? If that’s even possible, I don’t know. I have some sexual trauma that I’ve gone to therapy for, but I think it’s done a number on my body’s ability to feel mounting pleasure, especially if it’s out of my own control. What can my partner do, besides clitoral stimulation, to get me there? He is not interested in anal or oral sex. The only time I’ve finished from another partner was during anal sex. And because of the aforementioned trauma, anal sex is *incredibly* hard for me, even though I really enjoy it when it works out.
He’s only had one partner before me, while I’ve had five. He is much more vanilla than I am, though he is slowly starting to explore a bit more. Maybe we should start introducing kinkier things in bed?
Are there certain toys we could look into? I own a vibrator, but again I always use it on myself. My partner insists I be the one using it, as he knows I’m really particular about clitoral stimulation. I also own a flogger and some bondage toys, though we haven’t used them as I’m unsure if he would be into that. There’s so many possibilities on what we could do that I have no idea what to even suggest to him. Any ideas would be great, thanks!
3 comments
If I were you I’d see what you can do to encorage him to try oral sex. Maybe offer to take a shower beforehand so you are ultra clean? Maybe it’s a non-starter for him, but you said “he is always making sure I am enjoying myself when we have sex” so maybe he just needs to strong encouragement to give this route a try.
My wife has a clitoral vibrator (womanizer, like the satisfyer) and it’s a sure thing. I hope you’re trying something similar. I’m not as adept as she is with it. It’s nice to combine with doggy.
Yea if he’s not down for oral, then I’d strongly recommend a bullet vibe or a wand or something. There’s nothing wrong with u assisting. I usually take initiative to rub my partner during but i think it’s hot when she does it, and it’s a lot easier to focus when I don’t have to multitask.
Sex is a team effort. Maybe u guys should put aside a day where u just focus on exploring u. Set the mood: candles, music, etc to help u relax, and then just… play. No expectations, no pressure. I think it’d help him get familiar with u in ways he can apply during sexy time.