Using a throwaway account as people know my usual reddit account.
I \[24/F\] met Jake \[24/M\] on a dating app, and we had been seeing each other for 2 months. Those 2 months were absolutely perfect. We worked so well together and had amazing chemistry, had the exact same major hobbies, same sense of humor. I genuinely felt like I had found the person for me.
2 weeks ago we met up for one of our regular dates, we went out for food and coffee, and had plans to go back to mine to watch a movie. We went for a short stroll around the park since it was a really nice day and I decided to ask him what his thoughts were on the way our relationship was going. We weren’t exclusive, and I mentioned how I was very quickly losing interest in even opening dating apps, let alone talking to other people since our “relationship” set the bar so high for me, nobody else could really compare. I asked him what his thoughts on us going exclusive were.
To cut a very long conversation short, he essentially told me that he still wasn’t over his ex, whom he had been with for 6 years and only broke up with 3 months ago. He also told me that because he has plans to go travelling (will be in and out of the country for the next 3 months), he felt like it would be hard for him to maintain something, and as such, it’s best if we go our separate ways. I messaged him a couple of days later, telling him I had a great time getting to know him, letting him know I would love to hear from him if he chooses to reach out, and that I wish him the best of luck. He responded saying he had a great time as well, and that he “knows we will run into each other again”.
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This is where my predicament begins. Normally, I would be able to just accept the fact that it didn’t work out, and move along fairly quickly, but I find that he is still constantly on my mind. Any guy I look at, I compare to him. It might be silly since I have only known him for 2 months, but I genuinely feel like I’ve fallen hard for him. Would it be weird to reach out to him again in the future, after his travels are done? I’ve only known him for a short while, so would it come across as weird and creepy if I did?
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I fully accept the fact that nothing could happen between us right now, and am willing to respect his wishes, however his birthday is in 2 days. Should I message him to wish him a happy birthday? On the one hand, it might come across as though I’m a bit obsessed if I do reach out. On the other, I do genuinely still care about this person and it’s their birthday, so I don’t want them to think I never gave a damn.
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TL;DR: A guy I have been seeing for two months and I “broke up”, and I’m wondering if it would be weird or inappropriate for me to reach out after a few months, once he is back from travelling. We broke up on good (albeit very sad and tear-filled) terms, but I’m not sure if this is just something I should leave and forget, or if I should trust my heart and reach out again to someone I genuinely feel I’m in love with. His birthday is also in a few days and I’m not sure if I should say Happy Birthday or if I should simply leave it and say nothing at all.
2 comments
What do you stand to lose by reaching out?
If you’re both still not seeing other people after those 3 months are done, then a casual text to reach out shouldn’t do any harm imo. Go for it
If he’s interested in you, he will keep in touch or reach out when he’s done traveling. You were clearly more invested in him than he was in you, since he was willing to date you as part of getting over his ex. Did his travel plans ever come up before you asked about the status of the relationship?
He put you down gently. I’d work on moving on and not being that girl he dated for 5 minutes who keeps popping up.