I’ve been in a relationship with a few months now and have recently begun having sex with my partner (3 times) and neither of us (early 20s) have much sexual experience. I haven’t been able to orgasm a single time with him although he’s a super considerate partner and tries his best to help me. I’ve insisted that this is a normal thing for me since I have never orgasmed with someone else’s help before. Despite this, I already really enjoy having sex with him and am extremely attracted to him. I don’t think I have much of a sex drive to begin with which may be why it’s difficult for me. There are also other reasons why I can’t seem to orgasm like the fact that I get hyper aware when the focus of the sex is on me (I feel like I’m on a time limit before he gets soft). And I feel bad if he has to focus on me for too long and this pressures me. Although I’ve assured him that I am extremely okay with this, he is very eager to help me orgasm and have gotten quite down because he hasn’t been able to.
I’d like to orgasm too of course but the sex has been fun for me without it. He is almost always horny when it’s just the two of us (but he’s never pressured me to have sex of course). Also, even masturbating takes a while for me so it feels kind of like a hassle to orgasm during sex.
Is this a normal/okay way of having sex? Are there any tips from more experienced women on how to orgasm with a partner? What can guys do to help?
6 comments
Us women need our brains to orgasm.. if my head isn’t in it I cannot climax… you have to have your mindset… sometimes dirty talk or rougher sex gets my mind to focus
I get aroused by visual stimuli. Seeing my husband’s handsome face turns me on, and that usually starts getting me aroused at first.
Second, when I’m the initiator >!I tend to parade around him with the sort of leggings or bodycon dresses he loves to get him aroused.!<
Once I get him aroused… we get to business… and 💥
So I need two things. Clitoral stimulation, and for my brain to shut the fuck up. I have to have both to cum.
This may not be fore you, but when I was in a relationship, we would either both get drunk together, or I’d have an edible. It just helped me to let loose and go crazy. I found that it really helped my mind not wander and kept me from getting too in my head.
I have really bad anxiety on the day to day already, so edibles help me in my normal daily life already.
But if you’re not into that, just really take your time. Maybe spend lots of time on foreplay. Just feel eachother and focus on how he feels and his hands. It was really hard to cum with my ex because he would loose rhythm while stimulating my clit. But usually I would just do it myself while we did PIV and it was always awesome.
Good luck!
If you’re satisfied with it, it’s normal. I’m that way, I’ve never been able to cum with a partner and now that I’m on antidepressants, it seems even more difficult. But I love sex and kink anyway, even without orgasm, so I think it’s fine.
The best tip I think there is is not to focus on orgasming. Do what makes you feel good and focus on enjoying it and what feels pleasurable. The more you have worries like “I’m taking too long,” the harder it is.
Have you tried a lot of foreplay before hand?
Not just him focus on you but you also on him
See how aroused he gets for you could possibly get you very excited to which then when he is working you you’ll cum a lot easier
Women need our brains and you need to be calm, relaxed and very horny baby
Don’t over think it! As long as you’re enjoying the sex that’s all that matters
You’ve only had sex 3 times! The orgasm will come don’t worry about it!! Take the pressure off the end goal and enjoy the process. As long as you’re both turned on and having fun and lots of pleasure the orgasm will be an added bonus when it does come hehe