Hey, All. I’m 23 and my girlfriend is 21 and we’ve been together for three years and have been living together for about a year. I hate myself for this but I’m simply more of a sexual-desiring person than her. It’s the only “argument” we’ve ever really had. We were both each other’s firsts, we have great sex most of the time, but sometimes it will be weeks on end without anything. She says a lot of it is because of her BC and I never blame her regardless of what it could be. Problem is is that I’m still just horny and it makes me feel like I annoy her which is not real great. I don’t have interest in other girls, (though she’s mentioned being open to it when she isn’t feeling it) and I don’t really watch porn. I don’t want to try to suppress my sexual desire for her, but don’t know what to do. Looking for two types of suggestions, I guess.
1- We’ve had many conversations about it, but is there anyone in a similar situation that can provide insight?
2- Should I try and explore other ways to relieve my sexual desires?
The love is there this is really just the last thing I really want to work out before getting engaged. Thanks!
1 comment
1. What kind of BC is she on?
2. Does she mean to say that she was more sexually active before BC or that switching it could make a difference?
3. Are you doing enough to stimulate her desire for sex, foreplay, wordplay, teasing, edging?
4. Does she have fantasies she wants to play out, or is everything vanilla?
My wife had less sexual desire whhile she was on BC, because she couldn’t produce as much lubricant and was ashamed which obviously meant she didn’t want to go through that every time we had sex, and using lube made her feel worse. After talking about things several times we finally decided to make a change to her BC and she got a higher estrogen pill which helped immensely. Now her issues are probably different but you have to talk in depth in order to find out.
And in case it’s something different altogether, you should have a really good talk with each other about each of your desires too without judging the responses and try to learn about the different ways you both express these desires.
Sometimes it can be difficult to start truthful conversations about sex, and these conversations should not occur in bed, during or after sex, especially if there will be any criticism (as it will relate negativity to the place and experience)