Do you think it’s normal for a person to every once in a while to see how your ex is doing on social media?

34 comments

  2. I guess but why would you want too do that? I mean he/she is your ex for a reason so why waste time on that?

  3. It’s not weird if it’s every once in a while and not in a stalker kinda way.

    If it was a bad breakup or you’re gathering intel for when to try to hook up again, that’s weird.

    If you parted on good terms and just check to see how they’re doing, not so bad.

  4. I like to check in on some of mine every once in a while, like every couple of years or so. It makes me happy to see that they look happy.

  5. Depends on how long they’ve been an ex. It’s normal, but probably not the best for moving on.

  7. I guess it depends on the feelings, frequency. Like, you happened to see a post, and in just a second you click see their profile, then move on?

    no big deal. if you out of nowhere, nothing to make you be reminded of them, you open the app, type their name, find them, scroll through their profile for a while? not good.

  10. Trust me every one has checked on his ex online including those who commented that they don’t i think it’s just human nature

  11. It’s normal, and a part of the grieving process but doesn’t make it healthy.

  12. I think it’s pretty normal to wonder how someone you were deeply connected to at one point is doing now. Obviously this depends on context though, why and how the break-up came about, and whether this “checking in” is just a glance at social media or attempts to contact or harass them.

  14. Why would you want to check up on a ex. You have moved on. No need.

    Why bring up those bad memories. It will effect your mental health.

    Don’t check on ex’s!!!

  15. I think it depends on who broke up with whom.

    If you got dumped, then yeah, since you didn’t want the relationship to end, you are probably more likely to still be interested in them.

    But if you are the one who ended it, you are less likely to really care that much about them.

  16. It’s completely normal. Whether you like it or not, they’re a part of you- bad or good. It’s not the healthiest habit if you’re doing it out of despair and pain but come on.. we all wonder here and there

  17. My first really serious girlfriend dumped me for my best friend. In 1980.

    She’s a FB friend now, and while I don’t actively seek out information on her… I still delight in finding what a dumpster fire her life has become over the past 42 years.

    I’m not proud of that. But who would judge me?

  18. I think it comes from one of three angles…

    – Bad break up: let’s remind myself of the fucking bullet I dodged.

    – Amicable break up: how are they getting on now?

    – Break up due to circumstance that neither partner really wanted: Look at the life I could have been living with her.

    The bottom one is the rarest and most dangerous. Gets you starting to wistfully think about her until you become a little obsessed. Nip that in the bud and either do something proactive about it (if you can) or block her out of your head.

  19. No not really. I think it’s better to ask face to face or some sort of message for anyone.

    Social media stalking is just kind of stalking. O dont have my current partner on social media. If I want to know about her day, I just ask her

  21. Yea not every relationship ends horrible. Chances are y’all were really close during the relationship. If it wasn’t toxic, you’ll probably still care about /think about that person

  22. It’s normal, because we all have the urge to compare ourselves to peers as a gauge on how we’re doing in life.

    But it’s not healthy, since the breakup was a breakup, and you should really be putting them out of your mind as fully as possible, and resisting the urge to check in on them. It’s also unhealthy to compare yourself to others.

  23. I am guilty of this. Found out she has an onlyfans but didn’t pay to see it, seems like she didn’t put her effort into it tbh. Saw a pic of some dude putting a butt plug in her to advertise it on her twitter, didn’t get any comments or likes lol. I think it was good for me because it made me realise that I am truly over this person and I feel nothing for them anymore. Could have done without seeing her gaping arsehole, but yaknow.

  25. Normal would mean something like typical. Yeah its something most people do.

    Everyone seems to be confusing “normal” with “healthy” or maybe “good”.

    As a completely different example, is the standard american diet normal? Hell yeah, its what we eat so by definition its normal to eat that stuff. Because its normal, is it healthy? Oh hell no its not healthy, obesity rates thru the roof, metabolic diseases, etc etc. Or its normal to have a couple drinks a week, according to surveys, but WRT health there’s no metabolic dietary need for alcohol, at least in non-addicts, etc.

    Its probably not healthy or good to spend too much time on the past, but thinking about the old days in a general sense “every once in a while” is very healthy and makes for a happy and successful life.

    Reddit is often a very dark and unhappy place (why are redditors in general so messed up compared to the rest of the population?), but optimistically I think its possible that thinking about the past, helps people with forgiveness and moving on. As an example from dating, you can be pretty mad about getting dumped when you were 17, but when you’re older, sometimes not all that much older, you can think back “ah well teens are by definition pretty dumb so she’s not really a bad person”. As an example that has nothing to do with dating, most people on reddit are old enough to have a deceased grandparent, at least I think so, although you have to wonder sometimes, and the ideal way to deal with grandma dying a quarter century ago isn’t to forget about her or pretend you never met her, but to remember the good old days every couple years paging thru old picture books or maybe she can inspire in a positive way you if you have a problem and daydream a bit about “what would grandma have done in this situation?” or re-enacting family traditions like baking cookies with the kids might be good for everyone, or similar. Going thru life pretending you never had a grandma after she died is also quite disrespectful.

  26. No it’s not normal or healthy, why is it your business to see their business?

  27. Nope, I did once when I was dating the girl afterwards and she made my life an utter misery for the past 6 months of our relationship.

  30. No. I feel it’s sickening for you. Move on. Nothing good can ever come from it.

  31. I think it’s more or less normal within reason. I check in on one particular ex every few months or so. Even though I did love her very much when we were together, my reason for checking in is specifically to see how her life has continued to fall apart. She’s the only person I’ve ever known to ruin her professional life by cheating and she’s been in a downward spiral since then. She was a social worker and fucked one of her clients, which got her fired and blacklisted from ever working in her field again. In 3 years she’s gone from being a successful woman who owned her own house and drove a brand new Cadillac to being jobless, living on wellfare in a government subsidized apartment, raising the daughter of a man who’s been in prison since shortly after they hooked up.

  32. I think that’s fine, but the best way to get out of this is to break all ties with your EX in all social media platforms.

  34. Do you also do that with random friends? Then sure, you like to keep tabs on people in your life. Do you *only* do this with an ex? Then no, I think you should evaluate why you’re doing that.

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