TLDR: I’m mostly into a specific type of guys but they’re never into me no matter what I try
I’m a gay guy (20M) and I’ve always been A LOT into bears. For those who don’t know, men that identify as bears are usually hairy, bearded, big and chubby (or muscular). The reason why I’m mostly into them is not only that I’m attracted to them physically, but I really like the image of me (smaller) cuddling with a big man (I’d feel protected), care for them and so on…your long-life dream you know
*OF COURSE THIS IS SIMPLY A PREFERENCE, I NEVER JUDGE GUYS ONLY BY THEIR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE*
The fact is that, no matter what I do, everytime I meet one they are NEVER INTERESTED in me. It looks like bears only like bears or something like that…
When I find one, he just doesn’t like me OR he ghosts me completely OR he’s only interested in random sex (so I’m the one not interested there since I’m searching only for long-term relationships). Other type of guys are interested in me, but it’s just never bears
I’m quite skinny, not very hairy (only some parts), glasses, shy…I identify as a mix between a twink and an otter. I could NEVER change my physical appearance to become a bear so….
Is there something I can do? Are there bears who don’t ONLY like bears? I’m quite desperate at this point.
9 comments
r/askgaybros
Maybe you can’t get hairy but with the right diet and training you can be very muscly, but it’s a commitment
My friend was in this exact same situation, he even looked exactly how you describe yourself.
He found (anecdotal experience of course), that the vast majority of bears are exclusively into other bears, (bear4bear).
His solution was he just gained a bunch of weight and hit the gym. Luckily he also got much hairier with age. Now he’s a bear himself and has no problems.
I’m sorry I don’t have more helpful advice, just wanted to let you know you’re not alone in your experience. If you wanted to change your appearance to more closely align with what you’re attracted to, that’s at least an option. And not all bears are this way, so there’s a chance you could find one that’s into you just the way you are, keep trying!
Otter?
Sorry man, but to be frank, you’ve got a lot of life to live, and there’s someone out there who will give you what you need. You’re so young, don’t rush things!
On a practical note, if I were you, I’d start posting pics/ads on your local Redditor 4 Redditor, or M4M sub. Like for instance, I’m in Kansas City, so our local ones are: r/KansasCity_r4r , and r/KCM4M .
Good luck!
You might be too young for them or look too young. I’m assuming there aren’t many in your age bracket. Just keep looking, finding a partner takes time when you know what you are looking for but it’s most definitely worth it
You’re just meeting shitty bears. I’m into tatted up alt goth chicks, and despite dating some from that scene and a whole spectrum of people it never really worked out to anything long term or serious. Then I met one of the best person ever and she’s a spooky goth chick covered in tats. Sometimes you gotta sift though a lot of turds to find a diamond.
I think it’s because of how you approach them. In fact with the way you speak about them its almost as if they’re your fetish, which is fine if you like them that much but many people aren’t really into that kind of thing. It’d be like people coming up to you and acting as if the fact that you look like a twink means that that is all you are.
To put it simply, you talk about these bears as if they aren’t anything but what you define them as. It’s very easy for them to pick that up when you approach them and that’s probably why you’re turned away.
My advice? Maybe don’t define yourself or others by the names people have given them because they fit a certain stereotype/image and just treat them like they’re normal people. You’ll be amazed at how treating someone like a person rather than the object of your rather obsessive desire will get you farther than acting as if you’d drop dead if one of they gave you any sort of attention.
Opposite for me, as a larger quasi hairy bearded guys I’m usually blocked or ghosted when most guys see me! Where are you from, dude 😛