Last night I had a sconversation with my gf, and she opened up about how she is crushing on her co worker and has been wanting to tell me.
For a while now my gf and I have been having issues with our sex life because she’s been on the pill. We were barely having sex. As of lately she got off the pill and has been experiencing higher levels of libido.
She stated that she wanted to open up to me about it for some time, and didn’t know how to tell me about her co worker, but since she’s been off the pill. She’s been feeling her usual self and thirst for me. Understands how much she loves me, which is why she’s been wanting to tell me about it. And how guilty she felt.
She told me to tell her what to do, or what I want her to do about it(the situation at hand). All I said was, I don’t feel like I need to tell you what to do moving forward. I think you should know. But she insisted I tell her how to go about it.
Has anyone experienced this, if so, how did you handle it or what do you suggest?we’ve been together for over 5 years.
5 comments
Crushes happen, they burn out eventually, especially if they’re out in the open and not a naughty secret. If she’s insisting you tell her what to do, tell her to do nothing. Don’t act on it, don’t avoid it, just let it pass through her while you guys are enjoying her renewed sex drive.
Don’t leave this open. Communication is important.
When she does something and says “I asked and you didn’t tell me” you really have nobody to blame but yourself.
If I were you:
I would tell her I understand that having a crush on someone outside the relationship can be confusing, but her feelings are not wrong. However, I would advise her to not engage with him on a non-professional level, because that will only cause her more temptation.
Unless you are into swapping, open relationships, or poly. If you want to see something happen between them, whether it’s you being there, you interacting, you hearing about it, her having feelings for him, or her just having a sexual experience, you want to clear up what those rules will be.
Whatever is in your mind with relation this issue, you NEED to tell her (without being aggressive or offensive). And you need to ask her what she wants, because this may be a turning point in your five year relationship. If you both aren’t aligned, you may be in for a rough ride.
Good luck!
In that situation I would treat it as a fantasy that you can play with. Create some scenario that she gets to act out with you. My feeling is that you want to respond positively when she is being honest with you while being clear that you don’t want her to actually be with another guy. If you say nothing or get angry then you are encouraging her not to tell you things.
I am not as open to this as others have commented. Seems to me she has the hots for
this other guy and is looking for you to tell her its ok to have her cake and eat it too. If that is your thing, congrats! However, i bet thats not the case. Her telling you to tell her what to do is 100% a cop-out and i suspect will go badly for you no matter what. In the end, she will come back and put the blame on you for whatever happens. Getting mixed with co-workers is a seriously bad idea under any circumstances especially when a third is involved, even if this was a sub/dom thing for r you two. If its sub/dom, dont use a co-worker, it will end badly. We all get crushes and attractions to others but for her to want you to tell her what to do is the kicker. She is an adult and needs to come to terms with her own feelings and make her own decisions.
/r/relationship_advice