Hey everyone I’m a 34m, I’ve had this problem in and off and going on a few years now, ultimately. I’ve made the decision to seek professional help about it. How does everyone deal with those negative feelings around sex? I’m a very sexually liberal person, very curious, enthusiastic, I love pleasing my partners and just enjoy sex as a whole, unfortunately going on 4 years out of a toxic relationship I’m still dealing with a host of negative associations built up around sex from our relationship. I find it hard to ask partners for things, to express my interest in somthing I’m into, and even more terrified of feeling guilty if they say no, or express partial interest but far less enthusiasm than I do. It’s frustrating me lately because I feel like I’m forcing myself to miss out on the exploration and discovery that has always made sex fun and made me feel closer to my partners. I know where this stems from and unfortunately my ex (we were together 5 years) had gone from being very sexual right at the beginning to completely disinterested, which always made sex a point of contention and point of anxiety and those negative associations stem from there. This really frustrates me, so on my own while I look for professional help, what can I do on my own to try and shake those negative associations?
3 comments
Oh man, I’m so sorry to hear this. I struggled with this too for a while. It took time and a lot of conversations with my partner before I could begin to trust her enough to ask for things sexually. Here’s my advice. 1. Build trust and start small. If you are with someone or not, simply start by asking for consent every step through sex, “Can I touch your breast? May I finger you? May I run my tongue down your legs?” Things that probably should be asked but many people just push and see if there’s a “no”. That will help you get comfortable asking to do sexual things TO them, and they might get excited and ask to do things to you. Seeing that they too are eager to share may help you feel comfortable and trust that they are open to what you want to suggest. And remember, don’t start with anything extreme and if they say no, it’s not the end of the world. They may have an even better idea. Be patient and don’t get discouraged. It is a fun and joyful thing!
I think you should first accept who you are and what you like
These belong to you and only you , and I think you should try to love it and accept it
Also remember that you’re the most violent judge about yourself
Honestly I still struggle with this sometimes but I have to keep in the back of my head it’s just an action just a thing that society deemed bad the moment I got over this when it was really bad is when I realized only I myself can put value on things and what they mean to me not society