How do I stop shaming myself?

Hi Reddit. I don’t really know what to say for an introduction so I’ll just jump right in. I (18F) am in my first year of college and have a super kind and loving boyfriend. We have been dating for 4 months and we haven’t done anything yet except for making out. I am a virgin and have done nothing except for making out before. I can tell he’s a bit frustrated and our bedroom is dead. I really want to have sex with him and initiate and do everything. I feel like I am ready and I am always thinking about it. I’d like to have a normal sex life but there are a few issues.

I went to Catholic school so I was always told not to have sex before marriage. My parents aren’t very strict with Catholic rules but the teachers and priests at school were and I think part of that had been ingrained to me. I feel like if I have sex I’ll give away my “purity” or my “precious flower.” Obviously this is not true but some part of me is worried about it.

The second issue is that I had a very bad experience in high school. The boys at my school were very mean and there was a lot of slut shaming and sexual harassment and assault going on. I have had boyfriends and boys I was talking to and they always tried to take advantage of me. There was a lot of rumors and bullying and a lot of boys calling me a “worthless slut” even though I haven’t done anything. You know how high school is. I got sexually harassed and assaulted all throughout the four years and people made fun of it. They made my life a living hell when I didn’t do anything.

All of this kind of made me have a complex about sex. I feel guilty now for masturbating and keep hearing those boys’ words in my head. I can’t let go and enjoy it. Every time I make out with my boyfriend I want more and more and it feels so good and natural. But I always stop because I’m irrationally worried that he or other people will think I’m a slut. I shame myself in my head whenever I have sexual feelings.

I know this is a super dumb worry. Why would someone be a slut for having sex with their boyfriend? But I am just traumatized from those bullies in high school. They really fucked me up. How do I forget about it and just enjoy myself and go all the way? I just need to chill out I think. Thank you so much for reading this in advance.