I have a lot of acquaintances and people I just casually know but only like 1 real friend. Said acquaintances always talk about wanting to hang out and do cool stuff but we never actually get around to doing it. I’ve tried both not being pressuring and also trying to take initiative myself. But they always just seem to forget about me. They might get very close with talking about when they’re available, but otherwise they just forget I exist until we coincidentally meet in our usual spots. I just feel disposable. Another thing that really grinds my gears is those people who try to make it look like they’re open to doing all sorts of things and have many hobbies when they’re not. Example: You propose that you go explore an abandoned building and the person says something like “OMG I love exploring abandoned buildings!” when you know they’ve never done that ever and you never actually get to do it with them, or if you do they never want to do it again even if it went well.
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This is exactly what happened with me. What I’m going to tell you might hurt you but it’s the truth:
They do not care about you. This is NOT in a bad way, but they simply see you as someone who is fun to engage with in passing but are not interested in integrating you into their circle full-time. Just because you interact with someone positively doesn’t mean that interaction is meant to be constant.
Do not take this personally. Learn to detach when appropriate and get comfortable with the fact that it’s all a part of the human experience. Once you do this, you’ll handle feelings of being left out etc a lot better. If you don’t and ruminate on it like I did for years, it *will* drive you insane.
Hahaha, I thought I was the only one to go through this….I don’t bother anymore, my husband is my partner in crime & we love being adventurous…That’s enough for me!!
Ok at first I was going to say to take initiative but you mentioned that you did. So in this case, it’s on them.
I go by the mantra 2 steps forward, one step backwards. This means that you try two times because internally you want the opportunity however after that they should try at least once. If they don’t, then they aren’t interested or they struggle with maintaining relationships. Either way it’s not your responsibility