I don’t know how to feel. My (32F) partner (32M) got really heated while watching a football game and smacked the couch cushion, not like lightly, like he was putting his whole force into it. I’ve literally never seen him so angry and lash out like that. Never seen him hit something with such a force. And it wasn’t even for any decent reason that was happening in the game. He had been drinking a bit.
It was only the two of us watching on the couch. He didn’t hit the seat I was sitting on but on the other side of him. For the first time ever I felt unsafe around him. I’ve never felt like that before. We’ve been together for 10 years. I just left the room and went to bed. He followed, weakly apologizing, I just said I don’t think that that reaction was necessary. The next day I went to work, he had it off, I got home from work around midday and he hadn’t even got out of bed yet. I felt that maybe when I got home he would apologize again but nope. I asked why he hadn’t got up and he just said he was tired and that’s it. He hasn’t said much today and I guess that’s him processing his problems. In my head I keep thinking ‘what would Reddit think?’, ‘will they tell me it’s a red flag?’. I need to hear some advice outside my own head. I’m scared. And I feel like he’s playing the victim. Why can’t he just talk to me.
TLDR: partner full force smacked a couch showing real anger for first time ever, I’m scared and he’s ignoring me/the issue.
6 comments
Look violence can be scary, but if you’re saying he smacked the couch cushion and now you are terrified for your life? There’s got to be something else going on.
You say this is the first time he’s ever shown full-blown anger, and that anger demonstrates itself by just hitting an animate object? Its generally good to call out male violence, but this isn’t it.
Dude what? He’s clearly acting weird because he knows it affected you, but why did it? He hit a couch cushion. There’s gotta be something else.
As someone who loves sports to the point of obsession, I’ve hit a couch cushion or 1,000 in my lifetime out of frustration due to my team losing
I’ve never in my life put my hands on my partner, nor have I ever had the urge. You said he’s never been violent towards you before. Relax, he was upset about the football match. I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about
10 years of a relationship and presumably loving and feeling safe with your partner shouldn’t be overidden by hitting a couch about sport, if he has given no other reason to be fearful, I think I would be checking how he is and whether something has happened that is stressing him to make him act (presuming here) out of character
What else is going on in your relationship? Do you have a history of trauma related to people in your life acting similarly?
He punched a cushion because of sports. That’s what makes you feel unsafe? I get that you have your reasons and feelings and everything but I think this may actually be one of the biggest nonproblems I’ve ever read on here.