I’m rather confused by the actions of the woman I have begun dating and am hoping to get all your opinions and points of view as being in the middle of it emotions can often cloud judgement and I may be missing the greater picture.
I started dating a woman I met on hinge a few months ago, where of course, the standard thing goes that I felt there was an instant connection during our first video date and I was needless to say interested, This led to a great first date in which we continued to develop that connection and shared a few lovely kisses before parting ways, all seemed good and we’d message each other relatively consistently but also aware of the fact we are both very busy people. During our dates we’d talk about what we both wanted in the future and play out scenarios of how we see the future developing with expectations of kids, travelling, dogs and aspirations, it was really great as she wants all the things that I want. To say I was thrilled was an understatement and often had to think is this for real?
For our second date, she planned something for us to do in the city, which again, went spectacularly and we continued to deepen the connection we had from our 2nd date and this process continued through the 3rd (I planned) and 4th dates (she planned). Its important to point out that due to our current living situations we aren’t able to spend the nights with each other which does somewhat impede progression on a physical level but I am going with the fact that the best things come to those who wait. Now, what perplexed me was following our 4th date in which she said that the appreciated phone calls, I felt like doing just that and dropped her a call the following night for no reason other than to chat (the way I’ve been in the past when dating), which she didn’t pick up citing being busy which is completely valid. However, the following day she send me a message saying it was getting a little bit much and she is sorry that she didn’t filter her thoughts and such during our dates and allow them to get so personal but she wants to cool things off a bit going forwards, which took me back a little as we never forced a topic or sharing and it flowed that way naturally. I understand it could be overwhelming and respected her wishes to “cool” things down a bit, but it felt rather strange to me and being someone that doesn’t subscribe to things being too fast or too slow but just allowing things to take their course, this didn’t leave me in a comfortable position. Following this, she was due to have a busy couple of weekends with events coming up so we weren’t going to be able to see each other for a while which is understandable but as time progressed it seemed that the connection was just fading and a bit one-sided from my end. Of course, this leads to me getting a bit in my own head and wondering if this was going to progress further as on the face of things, she is a really interesting and funny person and our wants for the future match rather spectacularly. This is a connection I really want but then at the same time do I want someone who isn’t very consistent in communicating? or is this just in my head? After a while, without seeing each other we had a video date which went really well (as always when we see and talk to each other) which made me feel good about taking things forward.
Last week we had said in a text that we’d go out on Sunday and that was that (no details finalised about time or anything, just yeah let’s go out) and so we continued texting through the week and she said let’s go here and do this, no time just ideas so in my mind this is still in the concept phase (correct me if I’m wrong). So from about Wednesday before the Sunday, she stopped being communicative and was leaving me on reading, which was a bit strange but hey, people get busy, so just to finalise the plan for Sunday on Thursday I sent a meeting time and outline of the plan to finalise things and just be sure we’re going ahead. Then comes a few days of 0 messages, which is a bit out of the ordinary and felt a fair bit strange, as she was posting on Instagram which didn’t feel too nice (yes we do follow each other and I haven’t done anything cringe such as liking the post or anything).
To be honest and to cut things short, I just feel like here its a little one sided and when she did break the silence it was a simple, “sorry manic few days and yeah sounds good reply”. Not really the kind of message you’d send to someone who you were wanting to build something with but more of a shrug-off thing. Now, I’m struggling here as yes I do like her and haven’t had such a connection in a while (many dates, none felt like we had a future) and when we’re together the connection is really great and flowing well, its the times we’re apart which aren’t fun and has led me to post here. While I want to have some self-respect and go on the idea that if you don’t want to reciprocate then I can walk away but at the same time I don’t want to lose what for all other parts, could be a great thing in the future by being petty. There’s the dilemma I’m in, self-respect and losing what seems to be a good thing or am I just in my head and it’s all fine? Also if she didn’t confirm our plans and finalise them then am I obliged to follow through with the suggestions I made? I don’t want to seem like the guy just sitting around waiting for her plans as that’s not very attractive and it’s not like I don’t have other plans with friends that day either. Please help as I’m very confused and a bit mixed up with all this, I hate drama!