I wanted to post because I want some input on this.
So, I often feel fake and plastic. I fake my laughs and I fake my smiles, and even my emotions sometimes in front of others.
To me, being a buzzkill is *the worst thing* socially. Naturally, I have a pretty neutral expression most of the time, and I laugh minimally, or only at things I find funny.
Because of this, people have often told me to “perk up” or “smile more” growing up, and even nowadays when I’m being more authentic, even when I wasn’t in a bad mood or even thinking about anything in particular, it was just my face being neutral and nothing was immediately making me emotive.
Thing is, fake laughing and smiling just kills me inside. Sometimes I even do it when I’m alone.
I just feel like I’m selling out every time I do it front of others.
And even when I’m alone, I feel that if I’m not “feeling like smiling or cheery” then I’m just stewing in some emotion or other.
Interestingly enough though, when I let myself be honest with my emotions, I tend to genuinely smile and laugh more, and it feels really good to. Idk if any of this made sense.
TLDR: I’m not a naturally smiley person, am told frequently that I should smile more or perk up even when I feel fine, and I don’t want to be a buzzkill so idk what to do. I want to be authentic and have the freedom to not smile or laugh without being judged.
4 comments
Be authentic. Don’t feel guilty for not matching their energy, they don’t care about matching yours.
Yes and the more high energy the group is, the more I get into myself.
Used to..then realised others see themselves first so they won’t care anyways so why not be me
Not anymore. As I’ve aged I’ve realized that I prefer mellow, calm people and made them the heart of my social life. When mixing social circles is likely to create a level of extroversion and convo that I don’t see myself being up for participating in, I don’t mix them. I’d rather hang out with calm quiet friends or be alone than with someone who is going to zap my mental energy with conversations that ultimately don’t matter. But that’s just me. I wasn’t always this way but I’m pretty secure alone or with one or two close friends who give me the space and love I need on a shared wavelength. I’d I have to mentally prepare to be around chatty extroverted people than maybe those aren’t the people I should be spending time with– that’s just my reasoning. Family included.