So I was in an 9 year mostly sexless relationship due to my ex having issues with her vagina. Covid then happened and I really didn’t date, so I’ve been mostly sexless for over a decade.
The problem I’m having is subconscious Anxiety about sex and I can’t shake it. I’m looking for long term relationship so I know a quality woman will want to grow and explore together. However my brain keeps telling me “hey you barely know how to use your thing, your technique is non existent, and you are just barely average in size, gg”
It’s truthfully led me to keep pushing off dating (and sex) because I feel like I’d be a let down or disappointment. How do I get around this? I’m average looking in average shape but very inexperienced penetration wise but I’m solid with oral. Even saying that though doesn’t dimish my feelings of inadequacy.
3 comments
You’ll find the right woman who’s patient with you, and will lead you into sexual confidence. Women aren’t as scary as you think. It’s okay to not be confident. That comes with time. And you’ve had a lot of time away from the scene.
First thing that came to mind reading this was you should try and look for an older women to help show you the ropes. Usually they are willing to teach and also have a fun time doing so. It’s understandable at 33 to want to find something long term (I’m usually the same way) but don’t pass on a good time/ experience just because you don’t see a future with that person. You seem to actually care so I’m sure the person/ people you choose to be with will also care and understand not everything is perfect and that’s including sex. Best of luck mate!
First off, give yourself a break. You have done nothing wrong and you have a lifetime of sex in front of you.
That said, try to remind yourself that sex is literally one of the simplest things in the world. You put it in, pull it out, repeat. It’s less about technique and more about being in touch with yourself and your partner. The actual act takes care of itself after that.
Finally, you’re approaching this assuming your next potential partner is a lot of things: really experienced with great sex, critical, a size queen, etc.
Those are all assumptions. Why not consider more pleasing assumptions?
For example… Your next partner may also be coming out of a sex-less relationship and is very self-conscious about not being in the game for a long time. Maybe her ideal size is what you have. Perhaps she is such a match for you emotionally and physically that you two have mind-blowing sex out of the gate.
You’re going to realize soon enough you had nothing to worry about, so why worry until then when you don’t have to?